DURING YOUR TIME in the UK, there will be many, many words and phrases you'll hear that will leave you totally baffled. Although we're all supposed to be speaking English, Americanfriends of mine who've lived in the UK for years tell me they'restill confused on a daily basis. Such words and phrases include (but will not be limited to):

• Aggro n—trouble ("I didn't want any aggro"), from the

word "aggravation"
• All to pot (or gone to pot)—something has gone very
wrong
• Argy-bargy n—trouble; like "aggro"
• *Arse n—ass; butt
• *Arse over tit (falling)—head over heels, literally
"As the actress said to the bishop"—phrase used when a
double entendre has been said; a bit like the Monty Python
"Nudge nudge, wink, wink"
• Backshee/buckshee a—free, costing nothing (from the
Indian backsheesh)
• Barmy a—mad, stupid
• Belt up—shut up
• Berk n—idiot
• Bloke n—man, guy
• Bloody a—used to express anger, shock or as emphasis; an
alternative to "extremely"
• Bloody Nora—an expression of surprise or shock
• Blot your copybook—to damage your own reputation
• Blower n—telephone; "on the blower" (mainly in the
south)
• Bob n—shilling in pre-decimal currency; older people
might still say something cost "five bob" = 25 new pence
• "Bob's your Uncle"—"There you have it"—a phrase used
to end a sentence definitively
• Bog standard a—typical, run-of-the-mill
• Bonce n—head
• Brassed off a—fed up
• Brass Monkey weather—very, very cold (Challenge: find
out the derivation of this phrase)
• Browned off a—fed up
• *Bugger all—nothing—"I've got bugger all to show for
my efforts." Not a phrase that should be used in a professional
meeting but okay at the pub
• Cack-handed—clumsy; not very dexterous
• Cadge v—to bum, borrow something
Cake-hole n—mouth (pie hole)
• Carrying the can v—to take responsibility/blame for
something
• Chalk and cheese—two things (or people) that are extremely
unalike
• Chat up v—to hit on
• Cheers—salutation when drinking; can also mean thank
you
• Cheerio—good-bye
• Cheesed off a—fed up
• Chucking it down—raining heavily
• Chuffed a—very pleased
• Claptrap n—rubbish
• Cobblers!—Rubbish!
• Cock-a-hoop a—very pleased
• Cock a snoot (at something or someone) v—to show
disrespect for someone by doing something insulting
• *Cock-up n—a mess ("What a cock-up!")
• *Cock up v—to mess up ("You've gone and cocked it up
now, mate!")
• Collywobbles (to have the)—to be very nervous
• Crackers a—mad, insane
• Daft a—silly, stupid
• Deffo—short for "definitely"
• Do a bunk—to run away or escape from somewhere
• Doddle n—very easy ("It's a doddle, mate")
• Dodgy a—questionable ("That was a dodgy decision");
not very stable ("That table looks a bit dodgy"); can also
refer to someone or something that's not quite legitimate,
e.g., "A dodgy character"
Donkey's years—a very long time; often shortened to
"donkey's"
• Effing and blinding v—swearing profusely
• Faff v—to fuss about
• Faff n—someone who fusses a lot
• Fortnight n—two weeks (literally, fourteen nights)
• Geezer n—man
• Gippy tummy n—upset stomach
• Give someone gyp ( jip)—to scold someone
• Glad-rags n—party clothes
• Gob n—mouth ("Gobsmacked" means stunned, as in "hit
in the mouth")
• Gob v—to spit; you would "gob" on something—if you
were extremely coarse!
• Gooseberry (playing) n—third wheel on a date
• Gormless a—dumb; one short of a six-pack
• Gutted a—very upset, disappointed
• "I should cocoa"—rhyming slang for "I should say so"
• Joe Bloggs/Joe Soap—John Doe
• Knickers in a twist a—agitated
• Knackered a—extremely tired or broken; generally "knackered"
things are broken, but "knackered" people are tired
• Knacker's yard n—glue factory
• Knees up n—a fun party
• Knocked for six—cricket term meaning either knocked
out or very shocked
• Naff a—crass, hokey
• "Not my cup of tea"—not for me; not my style
• Not on—not right; usually refers to someone's behavior
• On my tod—on my own
Over the moon a—very happy
• Pack in v—to quit doing something—"I've packed in
smoking"
• "Pack it in"—"Stop that!"
• Palava n—fuss; pronounced with a long "a" in the middle—
you'll hear, "What a palava!"
• *Piss off v—"Go away!"
• *Pissed a—drunk; (it never means angry)
• *Pissed off a—angry
• Plastered a—drunk
• Plonker n—idiot
• Po-faced a—humorless; stern-looking
• Prat n—dork, etc.
• Pull your socks up—Try harder
• Quid n—one pound (sterling)
• Ropey a—dicey
• Ruddy—a politer version of "bloody"
• Scarper v—to run away
• *Scrubber n—prostitute
• Sent to Coventry—to send someone to Coventry means
to ignore him or her
• *Shag n & v—sexual intercourse (generally inappropriate
for regular conversation)
• Skint a—out of money, broke
• *Slag n—derogatory term for a woman, implying she is
loose
• Slap-head n—bald person (chrome dome)
• *Slapper n—another term for a loose woman
• Snap!—a children's card game, but the term is also used
when two things are the same
Snog v—to make out
• *Sod n—a term of abuse, similar to "bastard"
• *"Sod it"—"The hell with it!"
• *"Sodoff"—"Beat it!"
• *Sodding a—similar to "bloody"
• Sticky wicket—another cricket term meaning a difficult
situation
• Stroppy a—belligerent
• Swot n—somewhat nerdy person who studies a lot
• Swot v—to study very hard prior to exams
• Spon/spondoolix n—money
• Ta—thank you
• Tara—good-bye
• Tart n—loose woman
• Tart up v—to make something look better
• Ta-ta—good-bye
• Take the mickey v—to tease someone
• *Take the piss v—to tease someone
• Tenterhooks (to be on) n—pins and needles
• *Tosspot n—jerk
• *Tosser n—jerk
• Waffle (on) v—to talk without thought or meaning
• Waffle n—irrelevant or meaningless talk (or written work,
like homework!)
• *Wank v—to masturbate
• *Wanker n—jerk
• Wee n—urine
• Wee a—Scots word for "small"
• Wee v—to urinate

AMERICANISMS TO AVOID

I am not suggesting that you cut all Americanisms from your dialogue while in the UK; indeed, the Brits would be most disappointed if you did that. However, there are a few Americanphrases you should avoid, as they are totally meaningless to theBrits. Not only will they draw blank looks but any guess hazardedwould be completely incorrect. For example, most Britswould interpret the phrase "striking out" as something good, becausethe phrase "striking lucky" would come to mind. Phrasesthat are rooted in American history, politics, or sports will usuallyreceive blank looks. After more than a decade in the States, Istill have to be reminded of the meaning of words like "carpetbagger"and "bought the farm," since to my mind the actual
words hold no clue as to their meaning.Avoid using the following words and phrases unless with

Brits who are extremely "bilingual." Alternatively, if you're inneed of a good laugh, try asking a Brit what any of the followingwords/phrases means:

• Any references to the Cleavers, Gilligans Island, Andy
Griffith, Ozzie and Harriet, Mr. Rogers. In fact, if you're
going to refer to anything from popular culture, I would
advise you to ask if your audience has even heard of
it/them before launching into a tale or a joke. You'll be
amazed at what didn't make it across the pond (as well as
what did).
• Ball park figure
• Behind the eight ball
• Bone up on
Boonies/boondocks
• Boondoggle
• Bought the farm
• Brown bagging
• Candy striper
• Carpetbagger
• Catty-corner
• Charlie horse
• Cherry picker
• Copacetic
• Cowpoke
• Crying Uncle
• Dixie cup
• Dog and pony show
• Doo hickey
• Druthers (as in "If I had my druthers . . .")
• Dude ranch
• Dukes (as in "Put 'em up")
• Flip the bird
• Hail Mary—when not referring to the Catholic prayer
• Hitting pay dirt
• Home run
• Hoosier
• John Hancock
• Indian giver
• Left field
• Limey
• Mom and apple pie
• Monday morning quarterback
• On the lam
• 'Ornery
Patsy
• Plain vanilla (bland)
• Pocketbook
• Pork or pork barrel
• Punt—only refers to a form of boating
• Rain check
• Shoo-in
• Shoot the breeze
• Skinny (the)
• SOB
• SOL
• Step up to the plate
• Straw man
• Striking out
• Touch base (somewhat known)
• Uncle Sam
• "101" (as in the basics)

I would refrain from referring to sports teams, players, and so on unless conducting a lecture-type discussion. Just remind yourself that you probably wouldn't recognize names from the world of British rugby, soccer (called football), or most other sports, nor would you know the rules.

SAME WORD, DIFFERENT MEANING

As if it's not confusing enough, Americans and Brits often use the same word and think they're talking about the same thing. Ifind this to be far more dangerous than the simpler misunderstandingsdiscussed previously. You can waste hours debatingsomething, only to find that you're actually having a violentagreement—all because of an assumption that you were speakingthe same language!

The "biggies" are:

• Anxious—In the UK this means worried or uneasy. Although
the Shorter Oxford English Dictionary includes
"eager" as one of its meanings, Brits would never say they
were "anxious" to meet someone when they were actually
looking forward to it.
• Co-ed—Since this word is actually short for "coeducational,"
in the UK it is only ever used in that sense.
Brits would never describe bathrooms, for example, as co-ed,
nor would they refer to a human as a co-ed.
• Cute—In the UK, babies might be cute, but strapping
twenty-year-old males definitely would not. If you describe
any adult as "cute," people will think you mean he or she is
sweet perhaps, but not great-looking.
• Dear—This word is often used in the UK to mean
"pricey." Yes, they also use it to mean cherished, but when
talking about something they have just purchased, they're
probably complaining about the price!
• Dirt/Soil—Americans often refer to the stuff in their
flowerbeds as "dirt." The Brits would be horrified at this image
since dirt is something you'd sweep up and dispose of.
Soil is the only thing (apart from compost, etc.) that you'd
find in their gardens.
• Fag—Although the American meaning is catching on over
there, this word still usually refers to a cigarette! Another
British meaning is the practice in older private (public)
schools of having the younger boys perform domestic chores
for the older boys. The young boys are called fags. This is
the stuff of many a Dickens-type novel and on the way out
now, but also probably where the U.S. meaning originated.
• Fanny—In the UK, the word "fanny" refers to female
genitalia. Even though most Brits know that the American
version means one's bottom, I would still strongly advise
not using this word—ever! It is a very crude word indeed.
• Favors—When I had my first baby, Americans used to ask
me whom she "favored." The first time I tried to respond,
it went something like, "Well, she spends more time with
me than with her daddy right now, so I suppose she might
want me around a little more, but that doesn't mean she
prefers me." What? While the dictionaries list "resemble"
as one meaning, you have probably gleaned by now that
this meaning is not generally used. "To favor" (spelled
"favour") means to prefer one person to another, and is
therefore an incredibly difficult question for a new parent.
• First floor—In the UK, the ground floor is, as the name
suggests, on ground level. The first floor is above that floor,
and is what Americans would call the second floor. WTien
trying to find a floor in a store or hotel, think one floor up.
So, if you're directed to the second floor, you should actually
be looking for the third floor off the ground.
• Homely—Calling someone "homely" in the UK is not particularly
offensive. It's not a common word, but when used,
it means unpretentious and sometimes plain, never ugly.
• Ill/Sick—You literally swap these two around to get your
meaning: To "be sick" in the UK means to throw up, so
expect looks of disbelief and/or horror when you say you
were sick for two weeks. If someone is ill in the UK, it is
likely to be a fairly serious condition.
• May/May not—The Brits use the conditional a lot more
than Americans. While "may" conveys the same meaning
of being allowed to do something without its being mandatory,
you will sometimes hear "may not" used in situations
where you absolutely cannot do something under any
circumstances. This is most common in written instructions
(e.g., about purchase refunds, application procedures,
etc.), so make sure you read things carefully.
• Momentarily—This word, to the Brits, only means "for a
fleeting moment"; if you tell someone that you'll be with
them "momentarily," they will think they're in for a second
of your attention and no more. It does not mean "in a moment,"
although this linguistic debate is on the increase in
the UK, so you might be understood.
• Neat—The Brits don't use this word to mean "great," although
they might understand an American's meaning.
What will cause confusion is that in the UK, "neat" means
"tidy" or "compact." If they said your kitchen was looking
very neat, they would be complimenting you on how tidy it
looked, rather than expressing admiration for your decor. A
neat pile of clothes would refer to clothes that had probably
been folded as opposed to flung all over the floor. "Neat" is
also used when ordering liquor which is to be served without
ice or water, e.g., a neat brandy.
• Orient—Although Americans understand both "orient"
and "orientate" as verbs, Brits never use the former word,
and they might not catch your meaning for a while.
• Out of pocket—Telling someone you'll be out of pocket
next week will probably elicit the response, "How can you
be so sure?" since the phrase in the UK means to be out of
money, and would never be used to mean out of circulation
or unavailable, as it sometimes is in the States.
Quite—Beware: this word has almost the opposite meaning
in the two countries. In the UK, using "quite" to describe
something means only that it was okay. Example:
"The concert was quite good" means that the person speaking
was mildly disappointed in it. Be careful when using
this word as it could convey the opposite of what you mean.
If your dinner host asks how you liked the Beef Wellington,
the response, "Quite good, thank you," is not recommended.
Route—Always pronounced "root." If you pronounce
it "rowt," Brits may either not follow your meaning or
will think you mean an "utter defeat" {OED definition).
Incidentally, the phrase "en route" is pronounced more
closely to the French pronunciation, "on root." If you say
"en rowt," as most Americans do, you may not be understood.
Smart—A smart American is someone who aced math (as
they say) or who has done very well in life. However, a smart
Brit would be someone who is always very nicely dressed.
So, when praising someone for their colossal intelligence,
avoid the word "smart" as the Brits will at least initially
think you're pausing to admire that person's attire!
Tick off—In the UK, this phrase has two meanings—and
neither is the American meaning of making someone angry.
If a person gets ticked off in the UK, he or she has been
reprimanded. This is often referred to as giving or receiving
a "good ticking off." The second meaning is to check something
off a list—"Shall I tick that one off, then?" A "tick
mark" in your schoolbook means that whatever you wrote
met the approval of the teacher.
• Vet (the noun)—The term "vet" only ever refers to an animal
doctor. If you're talking about the other kind of vet,
say "ex-Army," "ex-Navy," etc. If you hear a reference to
Chelsea Pensioners, they are the oldest surviving war veterans
and don bright red uniforms on Poppy Day (Remembrance
Day).
• Vet (the verb)—The Brits quite often use the verb "to vet"
something, to mean to check something over. If you say
you're having a party, some wit might say, "Let's vet the
guest list to make sure it'll be good." More typically, someone
might vet applications for a job, meaning to screen
them for interviews.
• To visit—"To visit" in the UK only means that you physically
go to visit a person or a national monument. It would
never be used to sit and chat, as in "Come over here and
visit with me." The response would be, "What are we visiting?"
It is quite common to "revisit" a subject in conversation,
however.
• To "wash up"—In the UK this means to do the dishes. If
you're meaning to say that you need to clean yourself up
in any way, either say just that or use phrases such as
"freshen up" or "use the bathroom"—which of course
would not mean that you needed the loo! While on the
subject of doing the dishes, most British sinks have builtin
draining boards and the Brits use them. There is generally
no need to wash then rinse dishes under cold running
water; indeed this practice has a tendancy to irritate Brits,
who much prefer to either leave things to drip dry or to
dry them properly with a tea towel.
Yanks—Most Brits call all Americans "Yanks" and are not
aware of the differences between the North and the South.
No offense at all is intended.

YET MORE CONFUSING THINGS
Spelling and Grammar Notes

You'll become almost immediately familiar with spelling differencessuch as color/colour, theater/theatre, and neighbor/neighbour.In general, these don't cause problems because thepronunciation and meaning stays the same; and if a Brit pretendsnot to understand such words when written down, he orshe is either thick or just being awkward. There are, however, afew less well appreciated differences that could skew your meaning,or worse, bring forth yet another snort of derision from thenearest Brit.

• Certain regional American pronunciations might draw
blank looks from Brits, such as the way many Americans
say "mirror" and "error." In the UK, these words have two
distinct syllables, so the American pronunciations often
sound like "meer" and "air" to them.
• Other pronunciations will merely start up a new topic of
conversation. Examples include "miniature"—in the UK
the middle "i" is silent; aluminum becomes "aluminium"
(with an extra syllable); behoove becomes "behove"; and
the word "herb" has an audible "h."
• Quotation marks are called "inverted commas"; a period is
a "full stop," and parentheses are known as "brackets."

Clocks and Calendars

When making an appointment with a Brit, you might hear"half four" or even "four-thirty (pause) five." The formerwould mean four-thirty, and the latter means between fourthirtyand five o'clock, rather than four-thirty-five. AlthoughBrits will definitely understand the more common Americanhabit of saying "four-fifteen," etc., they do not normally use itthemselves—hence four-fifteen is usually phrased as "a quarterpast four." Additionally, when saying forty-five minutes pastthe hour, they are more likely to say "a quarter to" the hour (not
a quarter of ).Calendar dates are, quite frankly, a disaster waiting to happen.Brits always write the day number followed by the month,and most would not even know that Americans do it the otherway round. When in doubt (as you will be after several monthsof doing this), write the month out in full and you'll avoid a fewalamities.You'll probably hear references to "British Summertime"somewhere around March. This, I admit, sounds like an oxymoron,but is actually a reference to the clocks going forward anhour, as in the States. In the UK, this is done a week earlier thanwhen the U.S. goes over to Daylight Savings Time. The Brits,by the way, won't know what you're talking about if you sayDaylight Savings Time. In the fall the clocks go back at thesame time, and the British refer to this as GMT, or GreenwichMean Time.
And finally, a word of warning—Mother's Day occurs inMarch in the UK and Father's Day, although in June, is not alwaysthe same date. Forewarned is forearmed, as they say.
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