YOU'LL PROBABLY F I N D that people in the UK are less engaged in the pursuit of entertainment than the average American. You'll rarely hear them asking each other, "What are your plans for the weekend?" Sundays are typically very laid-back, family affairs, with the occasional pint at the local pub before going home for Sunday lunch or dinner. Having said that, Brits do have a great many ways of entertaining themselves; and as usual, there are a great many unwritten rules you'll need to know.

• First things first: The term "theatre" always refers to a stage production, and not the movies. (Also note the spelling!) You might get a few invitations to go to "the pictures," which means a movie theatre or cinema. An older word, but one that is still used for the movies, is "the flicks."

• The theatre in the UK is first class. Obviously, there's London's West End and Shakespeare's Stratford-upon-Avon, but don't write off provincial theatre. "The provinces" have great shows, particularly if a play is touring before going on to a London theater. The Royal Shakespeare Company considers Newcastle-upon-Tyne one of its major venues after Stratford and London. Unlike the States, the cast usually doesn't change when the production moves to a new city, so you have a chance of seeing the "stars" even outside London.
Theater shows usually begin on time; if late, you must often wait until the interval (intermission) to take your seat. Tickets for the big London shows are often hard to come by, but the theatres do sell off cut-price tickets for that night's performance, so it is possible to get lucky. Oh yes, when you see a sign for the "Stalls" in the theatre, it's referring to the orchestra, or ground-level seats. The "Circle" or "Royal Circle" refers to the mezzanine; "Upper Circle" means the Balcony; the "Gallery" is the Upper Balcony; and "the Gods" are the nosebleed seats. One particular piece of theatre you may not be familiar with is the good old "pantomime" or "panto." This is not actually a mime at all, though you will find it most peculiar. Typically performed around Christmastime, it is a lavish performance of a well-known fairy story, such as Cinderella, Mother Goose, Snow White, etc. Many famous British personalities star in these pantomimes and take them on tour around the country. Think of them as precursors to the modern musicals such as Cats and Phantom. There are a few oddities about these pantomimes that you should know of. First, and perhaps most odd, the male lead (called the principal boy), such as Prince Charming in Cinderella, is often played by a female. Every now and then you'll get a female impersonator pretending to be a female in the principal boy role! If there are any old hags to be played, such a witches and wicked stepmothers, you can guarantee they'll be played by men. The second odd thing is the banter. Throughout the pantomime, not only will there be many references to current affairs (which could make you feel like a stranger within the first five minutes), but the players will invariably turn to the audience and yell something like, "Oh no, you wouldn't," to which the audience will join in with, "Oh yes, I would!" Fortunately, the many risque jokes included go over the heads of the little ones and pantos are generally good, safe family entertainment.

• For those of you who haven't visited the UK in a while, British TV has come a long way. For a start, there are now numerous "terrestrial" channels (not satellite or cable), and almost round-the-clock coverage. In addition, most homes now have either satellite or cable channels, allowing you access to many of your favorite American TV shows, as well as a wide variety of European soccer matches. Better than all the TV shows are the commercials (adverts), which people watch as avidly as any soap. They are often much more risque than anything you'd see in the States, and the humor is exceedingly dry. If you have occasion to buy or lease a TV, make sure you also purchase a TV license. Since the BBC channels don't run commercials, they generate revenue via the dreaded license. Yes, it is possible to operate a TV without a license, but if you're caught in the act, you'll receive a hefty fine. (TV detector vans roam the streets and can pick up the signal from your home.) You only need one license per house, no matter how many TVs you have in there, and licenses can be purchased at Post Offices, by phone, mail or online. (By the way, the noun "license" is spelled "licence" in the UK; the verb is still "license.") Under recent licensing regulations, people using PCs to watch television are still required to obtain a television license. The National Lottery: It will appear to you that the Brits are obsessed with their National Lottery. There are several lotteries—daily, weekly, bi-monthly, and monthly—all with different names for players' ease. You can play online (if you're over sixteen), and buy lottery tickets everywhere. When the winning numbers are picked, it is done with much fanfare as a nationally televised half hour show. The winners get 50 percent of the monies paid into the lottery, while about 28 percent of this pool helps fund projects and grants throughout the UK. Turf accountants—otherwise known as betting shops or "bookies," can be found throughout the land as the British love to place bets. Aside from the usual things to bet on, such as horse racing and soccer results, you can currently place bets on who will be the next pope or the next American president. The term "punter" is very common in the UK; it used to refer specifically to gamblers but is now used for customers in general.
The local pub is often the center of entertainment for many people. The bars in the States that claim to be authentic English or Scottish pubs are actually nothing like those in the UK. For a start, British pubs are usually carpeted. If the pub is a tad grotty, your feet will stick to the carpet as you make your way to the bar. If it's a really old country pub, you might see the original flagstone floor. The pub is a good place to meet friends and sit and have a chat. Many, particularly in small towns and villages, have their own darts competitions, football teams, quiz nights, and snooker and cricket teams, which play in pub leagues. (I kid you not!) Of course, there's the other type of pub—noisy, bright, and full of young people out on the town for the night. Most major towns and cities have fairly active social scenes, again with the pub at the center of it all. You'll also find quite a few wine bars, where you can get snacks or even a meal with your glass of vino, and, if you're lucky, you'll be able to hear enough to have a conversation.

• The laws governing alcohol consumption are very different in the UK. It is illegal to give alcohol to a child under five unless it's an emergency, and there must be adult supervision. Children under fourteen are allowed into bars that have a children's certificate; they must stay in a room or area (e.g., garden) where alcohol is consumed but not sold. In other words they can't belly up to the bar. Always check with the restaurant or pub manager as some establishments still refuse to have children on the premises. At ages fourteen and fifteen, minors can go into bars but may not consume alcohol. At sixteen and seventeen they may be bought a beer or cider to eat with a meal but only in restaurants, not pubs. Again, check with the manager beforehand. Eighteen is the legal age at which you may purchase and consume alcohol.

• The UK is sports-mad—unfortunately, not the same sports that you follow in the United States. Soccer (commonly referred to as "football" in Europe, South America, and basically everywhere but the States) is big, and every city has at least one team. Many have two and the rivalry between them is fierce. Unfortunately, a football match/game is not the place for young kids and grannies. The fans often get quite violent and the atmosphere just isn't the same as at American baseball or football games. Alcohol is not served, nor will you be allowed into a match if you appear inebriated. Note: a "pitch" in the UK refers to the field where the game is being played, and a "strip" or "kit" is the uniform. The other big team sports in the UK are rugby, cricket, snooker, and darts, which receive a lot of TV coverage and are followed almost as avidly. Track and field sports are covered extensively and participated in at school. Apparently the biggest participant sport (as opposed to spectator sport) is fishing—or "angling," as it's also known. For obvious reasons, this is not covered widely on TV, but you will see plenty of sheep-dog trials. There used to be a TV show—which was extremely popular and went on for years—called One Man and His Dog. The commentator had to speak in an extremely quiet voice so as not to distract the dogs. I'm not joking! Another sport widely participated in, particularly if you're over eighty, is lawn bowling. In every town, city, and village you'll find a beautifully manicured bowling green with little old men and women quietly bowling big black balls toward a smaller white one. People get very serious about their bowling and spend hours out there.

• A few differences in sporting terms: "Hockey" in the UK is generally understood to refer to field hockey. If you want to talk about ice hockey, say "ice hockey." Similarly, "riding" is the term used for horse-back riding, and skiing refers to snow-skiing rather than water-skiing.

• If you're a big knitter you'll be thrilled at the amount of "wool shops" to be found in the UK. Be aware that knitting
needle sizes are different in the UK so a British knitting pattern is a potential disaster area. Grab a needle size converter before attempting a British pattern and you won't have to buy a new supply of knitting needles. Yarn is generally called "wool." Similarly, if you're into sewing, remember that British sizing is different so double-check any patterns you buy. Many department stores have fabric and wool departments.

• One thing that will have you rubbing your eyes in disbelief is Morris dancing. This is a centuries old type of folkdancing done by enthusiasts up and down the country, and indeed in North America and the Antipodes. Its origins are heavily debated and linked to the far corners of the globe; however there are references to Morris dancing in Shakespeare. It is probably the closest to traditional English dancing that there is, although there are huge regional differences both in the dance steps and the costumes. For costumes they are! Probably the closest thing to an English national costume actually. In most cases the men (and a few women) wear knee breaches, baggy shirts and vests. The shirts are almost always white but the breaches can be black or white and the vests can be any color. Some Morris dancers have bells attached to the bottom of their breeches, some wear clogs and some paint their faces black. The dancers sort of gaily jump around clashing sticks, swords or waving handkerchiefs, accompanied by a variety of instruments closely related to the accordion. Morris dancing is largely associated with May Day celebrations. Teams compete in national and international competitions and are passionate about their hobby. If you look up Morris dancing on the Internet you will see what I mean. Another national hobby that you'll find quaint and amusing is the brass band. The celebrated composer, conductor, and wit Sir Thomas Beecham is alleged to have said "Brass bands are all very well in their place—outdoors and several miles away". The British movie "Brassed Off" accurately portrays brass bands in the UK. Generally regarded as a working class hobby, there are competitions around the country to proclaim the best brass band. Many brass bands are affiliated to work situations such as factories and mines, and the band members must be employees to be eligible to compete. Many outdoor parks still have Victorian band stands, and the practice of a brass band playing on Sunday afternoons is being revived in some areas. The world of entertainment in general will be very different in the UK. American celebrities who can barely walk along the street in the States without being mobbed are unknown in the UK—apart from the Tom Cruise-type international superstars. Katie Couric, Barbara Walters, Dave Letterman, Sammy Sosa? They would probably only be recognized by fellow Americans. Similarly, the personalities that are featured every week in British gossip columns will ring no bells with you. Don't worry, you'll soon know exactly who Lulu, Denise Van Outen, and Cliff Richards are.

BRITISH WORDS THAT MIGHT
REQUIRE TRANSLATION

Adverts n—commercials
(The) baths n—swimming pool; swimming baths
"The Beeb"—affectionate name for the BBC
BBC—British Broadcasting Corporation
Booking office n—ticket office
Bookmaker/bookies—betting shop
Chat show—talk show
Dobber n—remote control
"The flicks" n—the movies
Gods n—nosebleed seats in the theatre
ITN—Independent Television Network
Kit n—sports uniform
Match n—game (football, cricket, etc.)
"The pictures" n—the movies
Pitch n—playing field
Snug n—small section in very old bars
Stands n—bleachers
Stalls n—orchestra seats in the theatre
Strip n—sports uniform
Terraces n—bleachers (in soccer)

AMERICAN WORDS THAT THE BRITS
DON'T SHARE:

Bleachers—stands
Movie theater—cinema; the pictures
Orchestra seats—Stalls
Pinch hitter—doesn't exist
Ticket office—booking office
Uniform—this word is only used for military, police, and other such professional attire; not sports attire

THE GOOD NEWS is that you can find many American chains, if you feel the need for home comforts. The first international TGI Fridays was opened in Birmingham, and they are to be found in most major cities, along with McDonald's, Burger King, Taco Bell, etc. There are also Starbucks popping up all over the place, although the prices may startle you. Dining out in the United States is usually a much more casual affair than in the United Kingdom. This is probably because it is more expensive in the UK and people treat it more as an evening out than just a means to feed themselves. When booking a table to eat out, it would be unusual to do so for earlier than 7 p.m.

• Although the UK is embracing fast food there are still geographical areas that have few truly fast food places, and very few that stay open 2 4 hours. It often shocks and amazes Americans that these places will close down or run out of food in the middle of the day when masses of people are clearly waiting to buy something. Stately homes and other such places open to the public are particularly adept at running out of sandwiches about 20 minutes after they open for lunch. If you have blood sugar problems, or just like to eat frequently, don't assume you'll be able to grab something to eat outside of regular mealtimes. Unless you're living or working in central London, expect a much slower pace in restaurants. "Table turnover" is not quite the obsession that it is in the States, so you will not be immediately pounced upon to make a menu choice, nor will you feel much pressure to finish your meal and take care of the bill (check). I often find that Americans end up chasing the waiter down, rather than feeling any pressure to leave the establishment.
Once you are seated in a restaurant, it is generally not the done thing to get up and leave, unless you need to go to the hospital! Being a foreigner, you could obviously get away with it, and indeed no one can stop you as long as you are not leaving an unpaid bill. The natives, however, wouldn't dream of doing this and would also be highly embarrassed if any member of their party tried to. When I was first married and living in Dallas, my husband decided he didn't like the menu at a restaurant we had chosen. Such is my British training that I was horrified at the prospect of leaving after we had been seated and made him tell the waiter that I wasn't feeling well, while I tried to look as pale and wan as possible! A year later, while visiting England, I did a similar thing myself, to my brother and sister-in-law. This time, we had only stepped into the entrance lobby and I decided I didn't care for the food on the menu. They were so embarrassed they pretended not to know me!

• To help you manage your expectations in a British restaurant, here's what you will and won't get. Ice is often not served with drinks in restaurants (nor do people have large quantities in their houses). Water is usually not served with a meal and extra cups of coffee with dinner are not usually free, nor is the bread. Iced tea is rarely on the menu and refills certainly wouldn't be free. Restaurants usually don't split dishes, serve things on the side, or mix and match their menus as much as here. You won't usually be able to order two appetizers instead of an entree. In short, don't expect as much flexibility as you get Stateside, but asking politely could result in your request being granted. At one London international airport which shall remain nameless, I had to buy two full meals and sit down in the
restaurant because my kids wanted French fries. I couldn't just order the fries because they were only on the menu accompanied by fish sticks, chicken nuggets, etc. I asked the assistant to leave the other food off the plate, as I knew my kids wouldn't eat it, but she said she had to serve me the full meal so that the cashier would know what I was paying for. Needless to say, I was speechless at the inflexibility, not to mention the waste of food.

• Be prepared for fewer culinary descriptions from your waiter or in the menu. A hilarious incident happened to me when dining out with my mother and sibs. The waitress could only tell us that one of the special appetizers was "soup." When I asked what kind of soup it was, she replied that she didn't know, and then poised herself, pencil at the ready, for our order. Since I quite fancied a bowl of soup, I asked her if she could find out its flavor. She seemed greatly put out, and my family, I perceived, were slightly embarrassed, too. Good thing I bothered, though, as it was French Onion, which none of us liked.

• Although there are great "takeaway" restaurants (Chinese, Indian, and the famed "chippy") in every town, village, and city, most regular restaurants do not offer doggy bags (which incidentally is an unknown term). If you ask for something to be "wrapped," you will be met with blank looks and a distinct lack of action. Even when you explain what you want, you'll probably be told they don't have anything to put the food in. In addition, rather than delivering this answer apologetically, you'll more than likely be regarded as greedy or crazy. Even where "wrapped" food is available, most Brits haven't embraced this practice.

• You will never be expected to keep your silverware from one course to the next. Indeed, placing your dirty knife and fork on the tablecloth as the busboy approaches would be similar to tipping your plate upside down. In addition, your plate will probably not be removed until you have set your knife and fork next to each other on the plate. Resting silverware apart on your plate indicates that you are still eating your meal. Talking of silverware—first of all, unless you're talking about family heirlooms, it's "cutlery"; second, although it's becoming more acceptable to cut up your food and then eat it all with only the fork, I would still advise against doing this is in posh restaurants or at formal dinners. Just like elbows on the table, it's not considered good form in the UK.

• When ordering tea or coffee, Brits use the phrases "white," "black," and variations thereof:

White—coffee/tea with milk
White without—coffee/tea with milk and no sugar
Black without—black coffee/tea without sugar
White with—coffee/tea with milk and sugar
Black with—black coffee/tea with sugar

Both tea and coffee are served with milk, as opposed to cream or half and half. If you ask for cream, after some odd looks, you will be given a small jug of very thick cream; half and half is not known. The Brits rarely drink tea with lemon and you would have to ask for it specifically. Similarly, iced tea is not popular in the UK and not often offered as a beverage choice. If you make someone a cup of tea in your home, play it safe and ask your guest how he or she likes it beforehand. If you're making it "in the cup" (as opposed to a full pot), never use more than one tea bag per cup. If your guest likes strong tea, simply leave the tea bag in the water a little longer. Better still, ask them to "say when." If you're having tea with someone who says, "Shall I be Mother?" (even if it's a guy), they are simply offering to pour the tea! A final point on tea: You'll discover there are many different opinions about how the perfect cup of tea is made, but one thing is for certain—microwaved water just doesn't cut it with most Brits. If you don't possess a kettle, it's better to boil the water in a small saucepan than to risk the microwave.

• When buying a sandwich, you will typically not be preDining sented with the number of options that you get in the States. Perhaps you'll be asked if you'd like white or brown bread, but the salad (lettuce and tomato) will be included unless you can catch them beforehand. If you have particular likes or dislikes, be very upfront and specific about them, or you'll just have to take what you get—the Brits are not as relaxed about making you up another sandwich just because you don't like it. Many Americans find the skinny British sandwiches highly amusing. I must enlighten you here, though—those pathetic, skinny sandwiches are usually only sold in business areas where starving office workers have little or no choice but to put up with them. Take yourself off to a real bakery or tea shop and you'll find some huge, bun-style "sarnies" with delicious fillings spilling out all over the place.
Brits very rarely have breakfast outside of their home, except in London, where brunch has caught on. Unless you're in an American-type restaurant, don't expect to be understood if you ask for eggs "sunny side up" or any other similar description. Eggs come basically fried, scrambled, poached, or boiled: after that, you need to describe how you'd like them cooked in plain, old-fashioned English. When you've finished your meal, ask for the "bill" rather than the "check," as some wait staff might think you're referring to a method of payment, which incidentally you are allowed to use in restaurants backed up by a bank card— and the spelling is "cheque." In many restaurants in the UK you must order every part of your meal individually. Often, the meat entree doesn't "come with" veggies or potatoes and you'll have to remember to order them. In pubs and gastropubs, however, it is more common to have buffets, or to find a full meal on the menu. It is legal for minors aged sixteen and seventeen to be bought a beer or cider to drink with a meal. This applies to restaurants but not bars.

• Tipping: Check your restaurant or hotel bill to see if a service charge has already been added, in which case there is no need to tip further, and certainly not the rigid 15 percent as here. If you feel the service has been unacceptable, you may refuse to pay the service charge, and you will rarely be interrogated or followed outside if the tip appears small. You will, however, see an extra charge for VAT (explained below) on your bill.

• When referring to food or a restaurant, the phrase "cordon bleu" is pronounced in the French style and the Brits will be highly amused to hear "cordon bloo."

BEING ENTERTAINED AT SOMEONE'S HOUSE

• You may be invited to a "dinner party" even though only four to six people are invited. This is considered a fairly formal invitation, which requires a timely response, prompt arrival, and no unannounced extra guests. Unless otherwise stated, it will usually be an adults-only invitation, so don't drag your kids along even if you can't find a baby-sitter. It is customary to take a bottle of wine or a small gift, or as one American friend puts it, it is "the kiss of death" to arrive empty-handed. It is also good manners to call or write afterwards to say thank you. Your hostess may say "Seven-thirty for eight," or, "Eight for eight-thirty," which means that you can turn up any time within this half hour. You should not wander in late. A very formal invitation may state, "Mrs. John Doe at home for Jane," which basically means the parents are throwing a posh party for lucky old Jane. At a dinner party, expect to have the seating allocated by the host; a common practice is for couples to be split up. If invited to "supper," this will be around the same time but will be a much more casual affair. "Casual" does not mean you can turn up late, though. Whatever type of invitation you receive, while it is courteous to offer to bring something, it is not common to bring a complete course, such as a salad or dessert. Do not insist if your host says not to worry. Insisting that you contribute to the meal is just not done in the UK, unless it's family or really close friends; even then, you'll often find the hosts want to do it themselves. Similarly, by all means help clear the table, but remember you are there to socialize, so spending the rest of the night in the kitchen clearing up will make your hosts feel uncomfortable, force them to join you in clearing up, and ruin what might have been a relaxing evening. If you receive an invitation to a dinner party that you can't make, don't be surprised or offended if the host simply says, "Oh, never mind, another time perhaps." Unless the host is specifically trying to introduce you to certain people, the dinner party will go on without you. Evening socializing usually goes on later than it does in the United States and dinner parties often don't start till 8.30 p.m. nor break up till after midnight. Formal balls typically go on into the wee hours of the morning and a breakfast will be served. When an American friend threw her first dinner and invited guests for 7 p.m., one English guest commented that it was an "odd" time to serve dinner.

• Unless you are entertaining business clients, taking friends out to dinner and paying for their meals is not considered "entertaining one's friends" and is rarely done.

• The table settings in the UK are a little different from their American equivalents. For a start, there will be no salad plate or fork, and no long-handled spoon set at the side next to the knife. (Southerners—What is that for anyway?) All knives will be to the right and all forks (except a dessert fork) to the left. If you're having soup, you will also get a soup spoon next to your knife. Across the top will be the dessert spoon and possibly a fork. If in doubt, just surreptitiously copy the majority at the table. When you have a multitude of knives and forks set out before you, the secret is to work from the outside in. The great thing about being an American dining in the UK is that you can cover yourself ahead of time by explaining that the table settings are different, and would somebody please advise you.

• The order of food in the UK may be slightly different from what you're used to in the States. For example, you'd rarely be offered a plate of cheese to nibble on before the meal, as cheese is usually served at the end, sometimes with a glass of port. Be advised—if you have never had port before, it is a fortified wine and packs a strong punch the morning after. When the port does appear at the table, it should be passed around to the left. If you decided not to imbibe, you should still pass the decanter around rather than placing it in the center of the table. In the olden days, when the port came out, it was time for the ladies to retire to another room and let the men do their thing. This rarely happens these days.

• The question, "Would you like a drink?", can lead to some confusion and embarrassment. Many hosts will be referring to an alcoholic drink, especially in the evening, but during the day it could well be a cup of tea. Best way around this one? Reply with something like "Whatever's easiest," and take your cue from them. If you're doing the hosting and your polite guest asks for tea when you had something stronger in mind, give him another chance by adding, "Would you prefer something stronger?" You should be warned that the coffee you'll be served might well be instant, as Brits drink a lot of instant coffee. If it's real, it will more likely be made in a cafetiere than a drip coffee maker. Fortunately, it tastes the same.

• Potluck dinners do occur, but they are not called potluck. I have heard them called "bottle and plate" parties, and there are sure to be more variations on that theme. Similarly, a "brown bag" lunch exists but is usually called simply a "packed lunch," and no one uses the term "family style" to describe the way a meal is served.

• If you're invited to a barbecue, be prepared to be disappointed. For obvious reasons (the weather), BBQs aren't as common as they are in the States, therefore people aren't as proficient. The fare is usually limited to charred sausages, chicken, and hamburgers. If you take fancier food along to be grilled, I would advise taking care of it yourself. "Cookout" is not a recognized term in the UK.

PUBS
Although not always thought of as a place to dine, it's time to turn our attention to the good old pub. In the UK, the pub is the center of local activity and communication. You'll find one just about anywhere you go—indeed, some of them seem so remote, you'll wonder where the customers (called "regulars") come from. Invariably, when you arrange to meet someone socially, it'll be in a pub (although Starbucks and the like are becoming more common).
These days, more and more pubs are serving food. Some have a restaurant section and you won't be able to order food to eat at the bar. Others serve food in all areas of the bar, and the rising complaint is that it's getting difficult just to go for a drink these days. Despite the woeful reputation of British cuisine in general, pub food is often surprisingly good. Although I generalize here, pub food is usually hot, hearty, and good value, if not the healthiest of victuals. The latest phenomenon in the UK gastronomic world is the evolution of the gastropub. These pubs originated in London about twenty years ago, when pub owners were desperately trying to think of ways to pull in money. There are still many more gastropubs in London than anywhere else, but there are plenty dotted all over the country and Web sites galore to help you find them. Many of these gastropubs are very old or picturesque pubs with great chefs on board. Definitely worth scouting one out.

• First things first—if you're only there for a drink, always go to the bar when trying to order. Bars in the UK don't have wandering waitresses, although some will let you run up a tab, or "put it on the bill." A warning here: While the bar may be the only place where the Brits don't seem to be "queuing," customers will definitely know who got there first, second, and so on. If you try to jump this invisible queue, the barman will probably ignore you and serve the person who is really next. To ensure getting served, simply rest your elbow on the bar (if you can get near it) and hold out your empty glass or money. This must be done very casually, though. The barman (or woman) will let you know when you are about to be served by looking at you as he's serving the current customer. You should then indicate that you've seen this with a slight nod of the head, a smile, or any other subtle gesture. Pushing and shoving is allowed, if it's a really busy bar. It also helps to be about six inches taller than the people in front of you. While drinking in a bar (or pub) you are not expected to leave a tip on the bar; indeed, you will receive some very strange looks if you do. Sometimes patrons offer to buy the bar staff a drink ("And one for yourself") but this is not expected. If you do, the bar staffer (who may not be permitted to drink while on duty) will thank you, tell you what they like, and charge you accordingly. As of November 2 4 , 2005, pubs, bars, clubs, and shops may apply for a license to serve alcohol twenty-four hours per day. If you plan to frequent pubs, you might want to acquaint yourself with the stuff on offer. Asking for a beer is more likely to result in a dark brown, slightly warm liquid also known as "bitter." Lighter, American-style beers are known as "lager," and are often much stronger than you're used to, so be warned. You'll also be expected to state your quantity when ordering beer, e.g., half a pint or a pint. Despite the rumored advances in women's lib, most women over thirtyfive don't drink pints!

• Most pub staff won't know how to serve elaborate cocktails (unless you include gin and tonic or vodka and orange), although if you can give them ingredients and quantities, they'll usually be more than happy to give yours a try. Wine bar staff are more likely to have a repertoire of cocktails up their sleeves.

• Warning: Cider is never non-alcoholic. It refers to an exceedingly potent apple derivative, and if from the West Country ("Scrumpy"), it is even more lethal.

• Fifteen minutes before closing time, the bar manager will shout something like "Last orders, please," which means that if you want another drink, you'd better be quick. After fifteen minutes he or she will shout, "Time, please," or, "Time, ladies and gentlemen, please," to let you know that you must finish your drinks and leave. By law, pubs are supposed to be empty fifteen minutes after this, so many bar managers will appear very aggressive in trying to get you to leave. In central London, where the pubs tend to be packed to the gills, there are a handful that set off their fire alarms—the noise is so loud that you'll even leave a full pint to get away from it! The bouncers at many pubs not only vet who comes in but make sure everyone leaves when they're supposed to.

• Now that pubs can serve alcohol all night, the time-honored and illicit practize of the "lock-in" is redundant. The owner or manager used to invite patrons to stay after closing hours, and pretend not to sell drinks but to offer them as to a friend. There are various Web sites and blogs bemoaning the demise of the lock-in.

BRITISH WORDS THAT MIGHT REQUIRE
TRANSLATION

Afters n—dessert
Ball n—a very formal (black tie) affair
BBQ'd *—grilled
Bevvy n—alcoholic drink (beverage)
Boozer n—the pub; can also describe someone who drinks a lot
Chippy n—fish and chip shop
Claret n—red Bordeaux wine
Cutlery n—silverware
Fillet n—same meaning, but Brits pronounce the "t"
Grilled a—broiled (not BBQ'd)
Hock n—German white wine
Main course n—entree
"My shout" n—"My round"
Off license (offie) n—liquor store
PBAB (Please bring a bottle)—BYOB
Packed lunch n—brown bag or sack lunch
Plonk n—cheap wine
Pudding n—dessert course or a heavy pudding
RSVP (Repondez, s'il vous plait)—Please reply
Scrumpy n—wickedly strong West Country cider
Serviette n—napkin (napkin is also used)
Speciality (note extra syllable) n—specialty
Starter n appetizer
Sweet (course) n—dessert course
Take-away n—"to go"
Tomato sauce n—ketchup

AMERICAN WORDS THAT THE BRITS
DON'T SHARE

Appetizer—starter
Broiled—grilled
Brown bag—packed lunch
Busboy and bussing—totally meaningless in the UK
Catsup—ketchup
Cookout—BBQ
Doggy bag—doesn't exist
Entree—main course
Grilled—BBQ'd
Half and half—cream
Ketchup—tomato sauce
Liquor store—off license
Potluck—bottle + plate party
Tailgate—nobody does this
"To go"—take-away
Silverware—cutlery
Wet bar—bar
86 it—not used

Now THIS is where you'll really feel like a foreigner! In the UK, Hush Puppies are a type of comfy shoe and a sloppy joe is a sweater. The Brits won't have a clue about po' boys, grits, or mud pies, but then bubble and squeak, ploughman's lunch, and spotted dick are probably a mystery to you. In this chapter, I'll walk you through each meal of the day, pointing out the types of strange food you might be served up while in the UK. I'll also let you know which of your favorite American foods you won't find there, and talk about the customs and culture surrounding food in Britain.

• Before we even discuss specific food items, let me tell you that there's sometimes a difference in the order in which things are eaten. For example, at a dinner party, the cheese plate will come at the end of the meal, either before, instead of, or after dessert, and will be served with coffee—and port, if you're lucky. Salad is quite often served after the main course.

• Another difference is how certain things are eaten. You'll find, in the UK—and other countries in Europe, come to
think of it—that people are not too worried about having their salad and the rest of the meal on the same plate. In fact, if you entertain Brits at your home and set out a separate salad plate, you might find that no one has used it when you come to clear the table. It's probably for this reason that there's no salad plate or salad fork in a British place setting.

• Something else to bear in mind about how things are consumed in the UK is the use of both knife and fork. In informal situations it's okay to cut up all your food and then eat with the fork only, although some people might make comments about the similarity to babies having their food cut up for them. However, if you are in a very formal setting, you might want to hold on to both knife and fork and eat like a grown-up.

• Breakfast: Typically, Brits don't eat doughnuts and other sweet sticky stuff first thing in the morning. A "cooked" breakfast will consist of something like fried bacon, sausages, scrambled or fried eggs, fried tomatoes, and baked beans. (By the way, bacon slices are called "rashers.") Kippers, which are smoked herrings, are also a favorite for breakfast in the UK. Toast will be served with a selection of jams and marmalade. The Brits never mix sweet and savory breakfast food on the same plate, so watch for their looks of horror when you let your maple syrup drench your sausages! Cereal is the most common daily breakfast, with the heavier, cooked breakfast saved as a weekend treat. Unless you're in an American-style diner, pancakes are rarely found on the breakfast table. Occasionally, in tonier establishments, you'll come across kedgeree for breakfast. This is a delicious dish of rice, smoked haddock, and egg, which you should certainly sample if you can. Lunch: Depending on where you are in the UK (usually the North), this meal could be called "dinner." Except for Sundays, lunch is usually a fairly light affair. A word of warning: If you suggest lunch at 11.30 a.m., you'll be met with astonished faces. Lunchtime is not before noon, and sometimes at 1 p.m.; 11.30 a.m. is definitely still the morning. Sunday lunch is a larger affair, and many friends or family get together at this time. Typically, this meal will be a "roast" (chicken, beef, lamb, or pork) with all the trimmings—roast potatoes, vegetables, Yorkshire pudding and gravy—followed by dessert or "pudding" and sometimes preceded by a pint at the local pub. Actually, more and more Brits now stay at the pub for their Sunday lunch, as the pubs quite often excel at this fare. (See Pubs at p. 100 in the next chapter.) Wherever they're from in the UK, all Brits use the term "dinner ladies" to refer to the lovely ladies who serve hot lunches in school cafeterias. (Excessively fat female upper arms are often called "dinner lady arms" or "bingo wings.") For the same unfathomable reason, hot school lunches are referred to as "school dinners" all over the country.
Dinner: Again, depending on your locale, this meal can be called tea, dinner, or supper. It is usually the heaviest meal of the day. Not as many people eat out in the UK, especially during the week, but if you really can't face cooking every night there is a fabulous selection of ready-to-serve food in most supermarkets—and it's not all diet foods, either. Since adults generally eat out without children, if you are making plans to meet someone for a meal, it's very unusual to schedule dinner before 7 p.m.

• Tea: So what is this tea business, anyway? As I mentioned, in some parts of the country an early evening meal is known as "tea," so if you're invited to tea, it could be a fairly full meal, or just tiny sandwiches, creamy cakes, and posh cups. If you are invited to the posh version, don't panic! Apart from learning how to place a china cup in its saucer without shattering it, there's really nothing to it. Your host will basically wheel out the goodies and the tea, and Bob's your uncle! As with any meal, leave the sweet stuff till last. If you insist on hosting a tea yourself, there are tons of "how-to" books and magazines to help. The main thing to remember is that it's not supposed to be a torture session for you or your guests. A "cream tea" refers to the traditional Devonshire tea, which consists of scones served with clotted cream and jam, along with your pot of tea. Clotted cream is thick, yellow cream with the consistency of soft or whipped butter. It is made entirely from the cream of cows' milk and doesn't taste like any cream I've had in the States. Originally this cream used to be made only in Devon but it is now made and sold throughout the country. A note about "high tea"—in the UK, this term isn't really used much any more and means anything but posh. "High tea" actually refers to the heavier version that workers would have when they came in from the fields or the factory, in the late afternoon. Before bedtime, they would probably have a top-up of food in the form of "supper." Still on the subject of tea—Brits drink more tea than you can imagine! Most people use tea bags, although some still prefer loose tea leaves, which require a teapot and strainer.
You will probably be amazed at the quantity of tea consumed in the UK. People pop the kettle on whenever they have guests, feel under stress, are tired, or just plain bored. There's always a reason! Most people drink tea with a little milk, and some just have it black. Few people drink it with lemon, or anything else, for that matter. If you spend any length of time in the UK, you'll probably come back a true convert.
Because of the ethnic mixes in the UK, the Brits actually eat a wide variety of foods on a regular basis. Chinese, Italian, and Indian dishes, in particular, are common fare in homes, but even Japanese and Mexican foods have made a significant entrance in recent years.
Cooking: A British recipe book (yes, they exist!) will pose a few problems for most Americans, not least because they're now all in metric. There'll be ingredients and instructions that require interpretation. My advice (seriously) is to have a UK dictionary handy whenever you tackle a British recipe. Better still, grab yourself a metric conversion chart and you'll be a lot safer. Many recipes state the "Gas Mark" setting so make sure you have found a recipe book that converts these into centigrade and/or Fahrenheit. The famous Joy of Cooking (Simon & Schuster, Inc.) does a great job of explaining many of the differences between American and British cookery methods and terminology. Not only will you need to take a conversion chart with you, but also a "cup" measure, as this measurement simply does not exist in the UK. If you ever ask your neighbor for a cup of sugar, there's no telling how much you'll get since it will depend on the size of the cup she uses. (Incidentally, a "cup" in the UK is the word for a piece of apparel—the sports "box"!)

• American food you won't find in Britain: As I've said, po'boys, grits, and Mississippi mud pies could be names of American rock bands as far as most Brits are concerned. Other foods you'll rarely find in Britain are: brittle, sloppy joe, hushpuppies, English muffins, s'mores, Graham crackers, half and half, and anything "over easy." Bisquick now seems to be fairly easy to get hold of, thank goodness! If you're desperate for American fare, there are many Web sites that will deliver stuff to your door.

• There'll be a lot of British food you'll never have encountered before, but I urge you to try everything at least once, as many things look and sound disgusting but are actually quite tasty. These include, but are not limited to—mincemeat pies (actually very sweet fruit pies), picallilli, digestive biscuits, Cornish pasties, Bakewell tarts, Lancashire hotpot, Scotch eggs, Welsh rarebit, Ribena, Lucozade, ginger beer, cockaleekee, black pudding, haggis, bubble and squeak, tripe, ploughman's lunch, and faggots. I won't tell you what they are as that would spoil the element of danger. Why don't you take this list and make it your mission to sample each item during your stay? Although many foods can be found in both countries, they often have totally different names, just to confuse visitors (see the glossary below for the more straightforward ones). Alternatively, some foods use the same names but are just pretending to be similar.

• Pancakes in the UK are more like crepes. In addition, they are typically filled with something sweet and served as dessert. If you're desperate for an American pancake, "drop scones" come fairly close. Now that Bisquick is available, you can also make your own.

• Chips as Americans know them are "crisps" in the UK, and the variety of flavors you will encounter will either disgust or amaze you—ketchup, savory beef, and sweet and sour are some of the tamer options. The British "chips" are what Americans call French fries. This is worth remembering when you are ordering food.

• Gravy in the UK is only ever brown, and never served with biscuits. Do try some of the thicker brown gravies, which are served over roast meats—delicious!

• Talking of biscuits—in the UK they are what you know as cookies. American biscuits look more like British scones, but would never be served on a plate with a meal. British scones are sweet and usually served with jam (jelly) and cream.

• From time to time you'll find something that has the same name but is not the same food item, e.g., coffee cake. In the States this does not seem to require an ounce of coffee in the ingredients, but in the UK it will appear more like a coffee-tasting pound cake or gateau.

BRITISH WORDS THAT MIGHT
REQUIRE TRANSLATION
Aubergine n—eggplant
Banger n—sausage
Barbie (BBQ) n—grill
Beaker n—mug (usually plastic)
Bicarbonate of soda (bicarb) n—baking soda
Biscuit n—cookie
Blancmange n (pronounced "blamonj")—thick custard, usually a layer in a trifle
Brew n—cup or pot of tea
Broad bean n—fava bean
Brown sauce—steak sauce
Bucks Fizz n—Mimosa
Butty n—sandwich
Candy floss n—cotton candy
Castor sugar n—very fine sugar
Chipolata n—small, pork sausage
Chips n—French fries
Chicory n—endive
Chip butty n—French fry sandwich (truly!)
Cling film n—Saran wrap
Coriander n—cilantro
Cordial n—a thick drink that should be diluted with lots of water (usually for kids and also called juice or "squash")
Cornflour n—corn starch
Cos lettuce (pronounced "koss") n—the equivalent of iceberg lettuce
Courgette n (pronounced "korjett")—zucchini
Crisps n—chips
Crumpet n—resembles an English muffin
Cuppa n—cup of tea
Doner kebab n—like a Gyro
Double cream n—whipping cream
Dressing n—can mean either salad dressing or stuffing
Egg timer n—hourglass
Fairy cake n—cup cake
Fish fingers n—fish sticks
Gammon n—a large ham
Gherkin (silent "h") n—pickle
Ice lolly n—Popsicle on a stick
Ice pop n—Popsicle
Icing sugar n—confectioner's or powered sugar
Jacket potato n—baked potato
Jam n—jelly
Jelly n—Jell-o
Joint n—roasted meat (large piece of)
Kebab n—kabob
Lemonade n—a clear, fizzy drink like 7-up
Madeira cake n—pound cake
Mange tout (pronounced "monj too") n—snow peas
Marrow n—like a huge zuchinni
Minced meat n—ground meat
"Neat" a—straight (drinks)
Plonk n—cheap wine
Pork scratchings n—pork rinds
Porridge n—oatmeal
Pudding n—either dessert course or a heavy pudding
Rapeseed n—canola
Rashers n—strips of bacon
Rissole n—a fried patty containing (usually) leftover food, e.g., fish or meat and potatoes
Rosie Lee n—tea (well-known Cockney rhyming slang)
Runner beans n—stringy green beans
Sausage roll n—sausage wrapped in flaky pastry
Saveloy n—long, seasoned sausage
Savoury a—the opposite of sweet when describing taste
Scoff v—to gobble up
Scone n—biscuit; British scones are never served with gravy, only clotted cream and jam
Skate n—very common white fish
Soya n—soy
Spring onion n—green onion
Squash n—concentrated fruit juice that must be diluted with water before drinking
Swede n—yellow turnip
Swiss roll n—jelly roll
UHT milk—long life milk (Ultra Heat Treated) that keeps for several months
Victoria sponge cake n—two very light rounded cakes with jam (jelly) between them "99" n—an ice cream with a flaky chocolate stick in the top

AMERICAN WORDS THAT THE BRITS
DON'T SHARE

Canola—rapeseed
Confectioner's sugar—icing sugar
Chicory—endive
English muffin—nearest equivalent is a crumpet
Joe (as in "cup of")—coffee
Oleo—margerine
Pound cake—Madeira cake
Produce—green groceries
Skillet—frying pan
Soy—soya
Wiener—Sausage or hot dog
Yellow cake—not unlike the consistency of a Victoria sponge, but be warned—the Brits will fall about when you call it yellow cake.

MOST AMERICANS tend to think that British houses are small; most British houses are in fact smaller than the average American house. They usually have distinct rooms, with doors rather than archways, although open-plan styles are becoming more popular. Typically, you'll walk straight into a hallway, no matter how small. (Most Brits, including myself, have an inbuilt aversion to opening the front door and walking straight into the living room.) In many cases the hallway is there to keep the cold out of the living room, and to keep noise from traveling upstairs. The stairways are often not as high or as wide as in the States (as my husband, at six feet four, can attest), especially in structures from the nineteenth century and before. If you're lucky enough to visit a house, pub, or hotel from about the sixteenth century, the doors are often so small that even women have to stoop to enter. A word here—complaining loudly every time you hit your head on an original Tudor beam will generally be looked on as uncouth!
I'm giving you this information so that you don't walk into someone's house and immediately start marveling at how small or "quaint" certain things are. This is usually met with frosty looks and only serves to maintain yet another stereotype that Americans think their stuff is always bigger and better. Just so you're prepared, a few other gems follow.

• Buying a house in the UK is a little different (surprise, surprise). You don't need an agent to buy a house (although you can hire them to help you), and if you want to sell one, you simply go along to one of the many "estate agent" offices you'll see. It's also okay to list your house with more than one estate agent. As in the States, you'll need a lawyer (solicitor) to do the conveyancing of the property (transfer ownership). The big thing to be wary of is "gazzump-ing (or gazumping)." No, it's not a hideous disease harbored in very old houses, but the practice of the seller accepting your offer and then accepting a higher offer at the very last minute. This is the scourge of house buying in much of the UK and is very common. It can even happen after the initial would be purchaser has commissioned a survey, arranged financing, and sold his or her existing property. Once contracts have been exchanged between a buyer and seller, the sale is complete and gazzump-ing (or gazumping) can't happen. Since accepting an offer doesn't seal the deal, most purchasers ask the seller to take the property off the market and/or try to exchange contracts as quickly as possible. Gazzumping does not occur in Scotland because accepting an offer creates a legally binding arrangement. (Obviously, this does not constitute legal advice on the matter and you should always consult a lawyer before buying or selling a house in the UK.)

• When you buy a house in the UK (and, as an American, you'll be allowed to), you shouldn't expect to see a place that is in move-in condition in terms of decor. Sellers assume that you will want to put your own "stamp" on the property, so very few of them waste money on new paint. You'll have to look past the garish wallpaper or outlandish faux finishes when viewing potential properties. In addition, far fewer people in the UK view a house and start thinking about tearing down walls or otherwise reconfiguring them, and the seller probably won't budge on price just because of changes you might feel should be made. If the house isn't configured the way a Brit wants, he or she will usually find another one and move straight in.

• Many people name their houses. Very old houses usually have a name because the street or road they are on didn't allocate numbers when the houses were first built. Newer homes are usually given names because the owners think it adds a certain prestige to the abode. The Royal Mail prefers that all named houses also have a number, but there's not a lot you can do if you move into a house that doesn't come with a number. When houses do have numbers, you'll usually find odd numbers on one side of a street and even on the other. Unfortunately, many of the newer housing developments have winding roads and the layout of the numbers will make you suspect a trick is being played on you.

• British houses are rarely air-conditioned and are heated by radiators, which are extremely hot to the touch and give off a surprising amount of heat. Some newer houses, which began life with forced air, are now converting back to radiators, as the Brits tend to prefer this. Windows don't have screens or storm windows, so you'll probably find flies buzzing in the summer. It doesn't bother anyone, and fly spray is sold everywhere!

• I would venture to say that the chief complaint among Americans staying in the UK is about the showers. Walk-in
showers are not as common or as powerful as in the United States, and many Brits still prefer baths. Often, when you find a shower, it is a tub shower, the shower curtains are never quite long enough, and they have a tendency to stick to you as soon as the water starts running. If you're desperate for a really good shower, find a resident American. He or she will undoubtedly have ripped out the bathroom and rehabbed it "American style," or found the only house in the entire vicinity with a powerful shower.

• Many houses, especially with fewer than four bedrooms, do not have more than one full bathroom, although higherend new houses are beginning to come with a bathroom for each bedroom, and loos dotted about all over the place (figuratively speaking). I was recently watching a show on BBC America, in which a couple is helped in their search for the perfect English country house. The couple in question didn't like one of the houses because it had "too many bathrooms" (one for each bedroom), and they thought it felt too much like a hotel! I have to add, though, that it was an old house, and numerous loos did seem a bit odd.

• Where owners of old homes have added loos or showers, you'll often find them in very strange places—under the stairs in the entry hall or in a tiny closet in the corner of a bedroom. If you're over six feet tall, there won't be a lot of room to maneuver. Bathrooms are often separate from the room containing the toilet, especially in older houses. If you ask for the bathroom, you might be shown only to a bathroom (with no toilet). "Restroom" is not a recognized word in the UK, and the word "toilet" refers to the room as well as the receptacle. Ask for the toilet, loo, ladies/men's room, or lavatory— these words are not offensive. The term "half bath" is not a word. Oh yes, the word "lavatory" in the UK refers to the toilet, as opposed to the hand basin. Don't have a heart attack to hear that someone "peed in the lawy." A loo is never referred to as a "commode." The good news is that, since there's no requirement for low-flush toilets in the UK, they don't block up and overflow nearly as much. If the bathroom is accessed directly from a bedroom, it will be referred to as an "en suite" bathroom, both in homes and in hotels. Sometimes only the words "en suite" are used. In some bathrooms, while you might not find a toilet, you could encounter a bidet. Americans not accustomed to these have been known to use them as a toilet. Remember, if it doesn't have a tank or a handle to flush with, it probably isn't a toilet. In older houses, the hot and cold faucets (taps) are often mounted separately on sinks and baths, which bugs my husband as he says it's impossible to wash your hands or face in running water without incurring second-degree burns. (The idea, dearest, is that you're supposed to put the plug in and fill the sink.) While I acknowledge the burning potential, it also means that you can brush your teeth with nice cold water while waiting for the hot water to warm up. Actually, since the hot water's coming out of a separate tap, it quite often comes out piping hot, so there is no waiting!

• Still on the subject of bathrooms, ask if it's okay to drink the water! In older houses it often comes from a tank in the attic, which is not chemically treated. These days it's usually okay to drink from the bathroom cold faucet, but I guarantee you'll find Brits who refuse to do this, although they won't be able to give you a valid reason.

• Many houses still do not have dishwashers, or waste disposal units in the sink—so pause before throwing anything in there. Most kitchen sinks have a great built-in draining board, but alas, not that handy little spray attachment you're used to.

• Washing machines and dryers are not as big as in the States, and are often located in the kitchen. The washing machines (usually front loaders), however, are very efficient and often require an advanced degree to work out the program required for your load. (Warning: If you're borrowing someone's house for your stay in the UK, make sure you get detailed instructions on how to use the machine. Every other appliance should be okay, but not the washer.) Dryers were often the type that simply extracted moisture from clothes (rather than blowing hot air around) but they have become more efficient recently—thank goodness. You will find that whenever there's a breezy day, people like to hang their washing outside. A common phrase when remarking on a sunny, breezy day (usually in jest) is "Lovely drying weather."

• Refrigerators, generally called "fridges," are nowhere near the size of American ones, so many families have a second fridge and perhaps even a chest freezer (commonly called a "deep" freezer), hidden away in the garage or the utility room. Check before having your jumbo fridge shipped over, or buying one in the United States fitted for British voltage, since it might not even fit into the designated space in your British kitchen. The cooking appliance is known as an oven, cooker, or stove, but the word "range" is rarely used unless you're referring to the enormous Aga-type ranges that are meant for farmhouses but can now be found in yuppie kitchens everywhere. Household appliances you won't easily find in the UK include waffle irons, stove-top griddles, big coolers, huge refrigerators, ice dispensers, three-way lamps, in-shower radios, steam-free shaving mirrors, mega outdoor grills, BBQ grills on an inside range, ceiling fans, window screens, good coffeemakers, electric skillets, snow blowers, leaf blowers, and top-loading washing machines. And most annoyingly, when you buy most household appliances, they don't always come with a plug on them. Still on the topic of household appliances, you will often find British ones in very odd places—washing machines are invariably in or near the kitchen, while the dryer could literally be anywhere. Until recently, my mother's was in the garage, but when the new kitchen was fitted, a place was found in there for it. Many homes have a "utility room" where washers, dryers, and extra fridges or freezers stay. The hot water heater also can be almost anywhere in the house, but is usually kept in what's known as the "airing cupboard," which will be somewhere close to the bathroom. Airing cupboards are great for storing towels and sheets, which, when needed, are always lovely and warm, because of the hot water heater.

• Gardens are never called "yards," and are usually much more private. No matter how small the patch in front of a house, it is usually edged by a small wall, fence, or hedge. A "yard" in the UK refers to a concrete enclosure and was more typical of the tenement housing of the lower classes built during the Victorian era. Hence the word may open up a huge sociological can of worms with the Brits you encounter. Although decks are becoming more popular (being cheaper and easier to install), most outdoor "flooring" tends to be of the patio variety. "Crazy paving" usually refers to random shaped flagstones.

• Televisions don't quite reach the proportions of some in the United States, but this is only a matter of time. One
thing that's available in the UK which you might not be familiar with is the text information on the "telly." Ceefax, available on the BBC, and Teletext, on Independent Television, is an information service available at the press of a button. Not only do you get TV-related information, but you can almost organize your life by it—new car pricing, vacation possibilities, government information—a veritable telly Internet. (See chapter 10 for more on the telly.)

• Closets the size of small rooms are a bit thin on the ground, especially in old houses. In newer houses, you'll get "fitted wardrobes," which are like built-ins in the States. In older houses, however, you'll get a square room with windows—hence the British fondness for wardrobes, and other freestanding furniture.

• Having trawled through scores of British bed manufacturer's Web sites, there doesn't seem to be much uniformity in the names given to different sized beds. The term "queen" is not often used for a double bed. If you will be staying in furnished accommodation but are required to take your own bed linen, ask for specific measurements as the U.S. and UK versions of "double" and "king" often differ.
Household animals: Generally, the Brits have the same kind of pets as in the States, although some people keep racing pigeons in their backyards. Domestic cats are generally not confined to the house and declawing them is unheard of. Be prepared for looks of confusion when you describe your feline as a "house cat," followed by looks of horror when you explain that its front claws were removed to protect your furniture. British cats come and go as they please (unless they're in a high-rise) by means of a cat flap, usually in the back kitchen door. These flaps produce gales of freezing air in the winter, so people keep the kitchen-toliving- room door closed. Cats are often referred to as "moggies" for some reason. A favorite in the pet department, which is not too common in the United States, is the budgerigar, commonly called a "budgie." These tiny birds look like small parakeets and can be hilarious, in that they are often taught to repeat outrageous phrases and usually do so at the most inopportune moments.

BRITISH WORDS THAT MIGHT
REQUIRE TRANSLATION

Airing cupboard n—linen closet
Bed-sit n—studio apartment/efficiency
Bin n—trash can (either outside or inside)
Bin bag n—trash bag
Bin liner n—trash bag
Bin men n—trash collectors
Bog n—toilet
Bottom drawer n—hope chest
Box n—TV
Bungalow n—ranch-style, single-level houses
Commode n—only ever a hospital-type portable toilet
Cot n—crib
Cloakroom n—can mean a bathroom or a place to hang coats
Council housing—housing project
Cupboard n—closet
Des res (pronounced "dez rez") n—desirable residence (tongue-in-cheek)
Detached house n—single-family house
Dustbin n—trash can (outdoor variety)
Dustmen n—trash collectors
Duvet n—comforter
En suite—refers to a bathroom directly attached to a bedroom
Flat n—apartment; condo
French windows n—French doors
Garden n—yard
Housing estate n—housing development (usually newer houses)
Khazi n—toilet
Lavatory n—toilet
Loft n—space at the top of a house that has not been converted into livable space
Loo, lawy, bog, privy, WC—toilet
Love seat n—antique seat with one chair facing one way and the other in the opposite direction (not a simple twoseater as in the States)
Ottoman n—blanket chest (usually found in bedrooms)
Outhouse n—outside toilet
Parafin n—kerosene
Postman n—mail carrier
Privet hedge n—box wood
Puffy/pouffe n—ottoman, foot rest
Rubbish bin n—trash can
Scullery n—old word for kitchen
Semi-detached house n—duplex
Skip n—Dumpster
Skirting board n—baseboard
Single bed n—twin bed
Strimmer n—weed whacker
Tap n—faucet
Terraced house n—row house
Twin beds n—two beds in the same room
Wall to wall (carpet) n—fitted carpet
Wastepaper basket n—trash can (only for paper)
Wheelie bin n—outdoor trash can with wheels
Yard n—brick, cement-walled enclosure
Zed bed n—fold-up bed

AMERICAN WORDS THAT THE BRITS
DON'T SHARE

"A" frame house—doesn't exist
Apartment—flat
Baseboard—skirting board
Blanket chest—ottoman
Brownstone/greystone—not used to describe a house like this
Closet (in bedroom)—wardrobe
Closet (anywhere else)—cupboard
Comforter—duvet
Cot—camp bed
Condo—flat
Crib—cot
Dumpster—skip
Faucet—tap
Half-bath—toilet, lavatory, etc.
Hope chest—bottom drawer
Housing project—council estate
Love seat—two-seater sofa
Mud room—utility room
Ranch style—bungalow
Row house—terraced house
Single family dwelling—detached house
Studio apartment—bed-sit
Trash can—bin, rubbish bin, dustbin, wastepaper basket
Twin bed—single bed
Walk-up—not used to describe this type of building, although they do exist
Yard—garden

Once we get past describing Venezuela as oil-rich, we can then move on to pointing out that this South American country in the Caribbean is also a place of spectacular landscapes, from the Andes to the Amazon, as well as along its 1,700 miles of coast and idyllic islands just off shore. Caracas is the gateway to the country and a stopping-off point on the way to exploring great rivers coursing through rainforests, focusing those binoculars in wildlife-rich savannahs, meeting various indigenous peoples, or meeting no one at all along a pristine beach.






CARACAS
Occupying a lush mountain valley at 3,000 ft. above sea level and boasting a year-round average temperature of 72°F, the capital of Venezuela has earned the title of “City of Eternal Spring.” On a clear day, the best view of Caracas is from atop Mt. Avila, a lovely ride up by cable car. Closer to the ground—and getting around is easy by firstrate metro system—you’ll fi nd the most historic attractions grouped around the Plaza Bolivar such as the cathedral, with sumptuous interiors that houses works by Rubens and Murillo, as well as Casa Natal, birthplace of Simon Bolivar, and the Bolivar Museum. Count the San Francisco Church among the city’s outstanding artistic treasures, then add the Museum of Modern Art (Picasso, Miro and Henry Moore are here); the Museum of Fine Arts displaying works of leading Venezuelan painters; and the Museum of Colonial Art. Caracas has long boasted a vibrant performing arts scene, and the Caracas Hilton has got to be the best place to stay to be within walking distance of the Teresa Carreno Cultural Complex, which hosts the national theater and national symphony, as well as both folkloric and modern ballet companies. For business and leisure travelers who want to be near the city’s best restaurant scene in the Las Mercedes neighborhood, the Tamanaco InterContinental is one of the capital’s best options.

ISLA MARGARITA
Venezuela offers many different Caribbean vacation experiences. Its most popular resort and tourist destination is Isla Margarita, a sunworshipping paradise and just a short hop by air from Caracas to Porlamar airport. Legions of local and international visitors are drawn to this big island (40 miles east to west/20 miles north to south), which boasts some 200 miles of coastline and lovely beaches and offers highland villages with lively craft markets, championship golf courses, fortresses and historic churches to explore, and nature reserves such as La Restinga National Park. But the big three attractions seem to be sun-bathing, duty-free shopping and windsurfi ng—all in a hurricanefree zone. And without doubt, Margarita offers the country’s grandest selection of modern, deluxe resorts. For every facility in one place, the Hesperia Isla Margarita Golf, Spa, Casino and Beach Resort is a top vacation choice.

LOS ROQUES ARCHIPELAGO NATIONAL PARK
Located some 80 miles off the coast are more than 150 tiny islands that form the archipelago of Los Roques, an absolutely beautiful and tranquil wonderland of white sand beaches, crystal-clear waters and one of the largest barrier reefs in the Caribbean. Nature buffs find pelicans and three species of boobies, as well as iguanas and nesting turtles in this designated national park, while scuba divers and snorkelers delight in the dazzlingly colorful fi sh and the beautiful coral formations of the Cabecera Reef. Most posadas (small guesthouses that offer the only accommodations) are on the largest island, Gran Roque. Mancano Lodge is considered the most deluxe.

AT HOME ON THE PLAINS
Nature lovers are discovering Venezuela’s central region, or los llanos, huge savannahs covering one-third of the country between the Andes and the Orinoco River delta. Birdwatchers and photographers come (best in October and November) when the vast plains are partially flooded: wildlife abounds and there are birds galore. The particular treat here is a stay in a supremely comfortable ecotourism cattle ranch, called a hato, with tours of the wildlife preserve in the company of naturalist guides by day, and enjoying Venezuelan food and music by night. Hato Pinero, a pioneer nature lodge and working cattle ranch, is a good choice.

ANDEAN ADVENTURES
The bustling university center of Merida lies in the shadow of the snowcapped peaks of the Sierra Nevada range in western Venezuela. The town has two claims to world fame—the 8-mile-long El Teleferico, the longest and highest cable car system in the world, showing off stunning Andean vistas as it climbs in stages to the 15,500-ft. Espejo Peak; and in town, the Coromoto Ice Cream Parlor, selling the largest number of fl avors (many quite bizarre: fried pork skin, for instance) in the world—709, according to the ”Guinness World Records.” Our Lady of Carmen Church is the oldest religious structure in Merida, while the Museum of Modern Art features works by many of Venezuela’s most famous painters. Merida sits at the center of prime territory for hiking, trekking, mountain biking and horseback riding, and travelers always enjoy staying in such special highland inns as Los Frailes, occupying a 15th century monastery, or family-run haciendas.

COME TO CANAIMA
Canaima National Park, a UNESCO World Heritage site, spreads across nearly 12,000 sq. miles of southeastern Venezuela. The land is the home of the Pemon, an Amerindian people whose territory crosses into Brazil and Guyana and whose word for these mountains, tepuis, is how they are now known. The Gran Sabana is a huge grassland plateau within the park, dotted with towering tabletop mountains, including Roraima-tepui, the tallest and easiest to hike, and Auyan-tepui, from which Angel Falls, the world’s highest waterfall, plunges 3,000 ft. down through the rainforest. Day excursions within the national park include jungle walks and dugout canoe rides to riverbound islands, as well as charter flights over Angel Falls or multi-day trips right up to the falls (only in the rainy season, May to December). Along the way, travelers indeed meet members of the Pemon tribe community.

It Would Be a Shame to Miss...
Scuba diving among the coral keys of Morrocoy National Park (a 3-hour drive from Caracas) and among the reefs of Los Roques National Park. Here, billfishing is tops off the Caracas coast, and bonefishing is world-class in Los Roques. Top windsurfing is available from El Yaque Beach on Isla Margarita, and just off shore on Coche Island.

Celebrations for All Seasons
Feb./Mar.: Carnival in Merida lasts almost two weeks, complete with bullfights, masquerades, street dancing and parades.
June: The liveliest festival is the Dancing Devils of Yare, held during Corpus Christi in the town of San Francisco de Yare, 40 miles southeast of Caracas.
June 24: On St. John’s Day, continuous drum music and dancing celebrate African-Venezuelan traditions for four days in the coastal towns of Higuerote and Curiepe, two hours east of Caracas.
Sept. 8: A procession on land and a boat flotilla at sea honor the Virgin of the Valley on Isla Margarita.

Without doubt, Peru is a country of superlatives: the world’s highest navigable lake—Titicaca; the world’s deepest canyon—Colca; the largest adobe city—10th century Chan Chan; and the greatest variety of flora and fauna in one national park—Manu. To that list, many who know Peru would add that her cuisine is the finest in South America. Of course, the nation is best known as the center of the Inca Empire and guardian of South America’s most important pre-Columbian treasures, but the richness of Peru’s history is matched also by the grandeur of its natural diversity from the Andes to Amazonia.





LIMA
Once called the City of Kings, Lima was the center of Spanish power in the New World following Pizarro’s conquest of Peru in the 16th century. Colonial-era buildings are at their loveliest around the historic Plaza de Armas, including the Cathedral, the Archbishop’s Palace and the Presidential Palace, where the changing of the guard is a daily event at 11:45 a.m. Lima has beautiful, baroque churches, such as La Merced with its gold-leaf altars, and the Convent of San Francisco, adorned with tile work from Seville and Moorish-style ceilings. And the capital’s museums are outstanding, from the Museum of Anthropology and Archaeology to the Larco Herrera with its mind-boggling, 45,000-piece collection of ancient pottery. You need to call for an appointment to see two worthy museum collections: ancient textiles and ceramics in the Amano Museum (weekdays only) and the Pedro de Osma Museum of Colonial Art. The latter is located in Barranco, an artsy neighborhood by the sea. Take time to wander about here on foot—stop for a lunch of perfect traditional ceviche or other seafood specialties at Canta Rana or Manos Morenas, then come back in the evening for live jazz or folk music. Top hotels, including the Miraflores Park, Country Club Lima or the Casa Andina Miraflores Private Collection, are located in the residential districts of San Isidro and Miraflores, as are a bevy of restaurants serving up the finest Peruvian specialties or featuring cuisines from around the world. A short drive outside Lima proper and certainly worth a journey into antiquity is the extensive complex of temples and pyramids at Pachacamac. It was once the largest pre-Columbian settlement on the Peruvian coast. A bit further afield—100 miles north from Lima—is the exciting new site of the Caral, sacred city to a civilization now dated back as the oldest in the Americas.

INCA LAND
First on every traveler’s wish list is a visit to Cusco, considered to be the oldest continuously inhabited city in the western hemisphere. In the 16th century, this Inca capital was destroyed by the conquistadors who then built churches—the Cathedral, La Merced Convent and La Compania—and mansions on the foundations of Incan temples and palaces. The Koriancha (Temple of the Sun), however, is one of the greatest remaining examples of Incan stonework. While the Museum of Religious Art holds the finest treasury from the colonial period, step farther back in time to visit the essential and elegant Museo de Arte Precolombino to view its exquisite collection of antiquities including ceramics, paintings and jewels in silver and gold. Outside of town, visit the fortress of Sacsayhuaman and Ollantaytambo, then browse through the colorful Pisac and Chinchero native markets whose Indian vendors, decked out in regional dress, come to town to sell their fine handicrafts. Both markets are held on Sundays, but the hilltop ruins above Pisac are fabulous anytime. Also on every traveler’s wish list is Machu Picchu, a fascinating 3-hour rail ride from Cusco and a bus ride up the mountain road to Peru’s signature citadel, tucked away in the vastness of misty green jungle peaks. Plan to spend the night and be on site for sunset or sunrise over this superb fortress sanctuary, with more than 200 stone structures set out on grassy terraces linked by staircases that connect sacred temples and altars. Today’s archaeologists seem to agree that the once “lost city” was a summer estate for Inca royalty, housing some 1,000 people. From its perch some 2,000 ft. above the Urubamba River, Machu Picchu is the Holy Grail for hikers at the end of the Inca Trail. While most visitors arrive by rail, there is huge demand to follow the best-known Inca Trail, starting just a short train ride away from Cusco and climbing up-and-over-the-Andean paths. Still other trekkers are joining up to explore a lesser-followed path to the Lost City, staying along the way in the Mountain Lodges of Peru. And many visitors spend a few days between Cusco and Machu Picchu in the Urubamba Valley to get acquainted with the Indian communities, go to local markets and enjoy soft adventures, from horseback
riding to river rafting, while relaxing in a host of splendid new lodgings. In fact, all through Inca Land, you are going to find amazing comfort in more new and wonderful hotels and lodges than we have space to suggest here.

AMAZONIA
The call of the Amazon is most frequently answered for travelers who fly north from Lima to the lively port of Iquitos, sitting right on the banks of the river 2,300 miles inland from the Atlantic Ocean. Great fortunes were made here in the 19th century when the rubber-boom barons built opulent riverside mansions and even imported an iron house from Europe, designed by Gustav Eiffel. Most visitors come to explore the jungle, taking off along the river to one of many fine lodges that provide walks in the rainforest, visits to native villages and boat rides to go birdwatching and fishing for piranhas. Tops in jungle luxury is the Ceiba Tops Resort, whose extensive rainforest investment includes other more rustic lodges and a towering canopy walk. Another option for jungle exploration is the luxury, 12-suite M/V Aqua, sailing on 3- and 4-night cruises in the remote Pacaya Samiria Reserve. While Iquitos is the major gateway to the Amazon, consider heading to Puerto Maldonado, gateway to the unspoiled Madre de Dios region with two superb rainforest preserves. The Tambopata-Candamo Wildlife Reserve has been called one of the most biologically diverse environments on earth. Birders often count 100 different species in a day, and the reserve is home to the largest known Macaw Lick in the world. Manu Wildlife Reserve, reached by air or overland from Cusco, is one of the best areas for seeing wildlife anywhere in the Amazon rainforest: monkeys (13 species), turtles, giant otters, peccaries, capybaras, tapir and even an occasional jaguar. Macaws, motmots, toucans and curassows are part of the rich bird life inventory. Both reserves offer comfortable lodgings for ardent eco-tourists, birdwatchers, orchid fanciers, and those who just like to be where the wild things are at their best.

It Would Be a Shame to Miss...
Most accessible from the beautiful colonial city of Arequipa, Colca Valley has long been a discovery “frontier” of snowcapped volcanoes, pre-Incan ruins, small, off-beat churches, condors circling overhead, an interesting indigenous culture and even white-knuckle rapids for river running. Now that Orient-Express Hotels has opened its rather wonderful and upscale Las Casitas del Colca lodging—complete with spa and pool—expect increased visitor attention to this fascinating corner of Peru, although the existing Casa Andina Colca with its restaurant featuring folkloric music and dancing, as well as its cool planetarium, was already a good bet. Peru’s Northern Kingdoms of earliest Indian cultures were centered outside today’s airline gateway of Chiclayo. Here, the gold-filled tomb of the Lord of Sipan was discovered in 1988 and is now in its new home, the Royal Tombs of Sipan Museum in Lambayeque. Archaeological excavations are ongoing in the area, including around the ancient Tucume pyramids on the coast, and farther inland with new discoveries from the pre-Inca Chachapoyas civilization. Major finds are the pre-Inca walled city of Kuelap, and hundreds of mummies and burial remains, housed in an excellent museum in Leymebamba.

Celebrations for All Seasons
Feb. 2: Catch the procession of the Virgen de la Candelaria in Puno, known as the folklore capital of Peru.
Mar.: Come to colonial Ayacucho for its brilliant Holy Week festivities.
The Grape Harvest Festival is held during the 1st half of the month in Ica.
June 24: The Inca Festival of the Sun, Inti Raymi, is held in the ruins of Sacsayhuaman outside Cusco.
Aug. 15: Founders Day in Arequipa features a week of parades, fireworks, street dancing and bullfights.
Dec.: Enjoy Lima’s biggest festival, El Senor de los Milagros, whose procession lasts 24 hours.

Straddling the equator, Ecuador is aptly named, for it sits squarely on the dividing line between the northern and southern hemispheres. Embracing both the highland Andean ranges and lowland Amazonian jungles, it is a small nation of great natural beauty. It is also a thoroughly modern and hospitable country, yet one steeped in history: from an illustrious pre-Columbian and colonial past, to a land whose creative people guard their folkloric traditions.







QUITO
Once the northern capital of the Inca Empire and often called the Florence of the Americas, handsome Quito is above all a rich repository of religious architecture—no less than 40 churches and chapels, 16 convents and monasteries—and decorative arts, good reasons for UNESCO to have chosen Quito a World Heritage site. Since the turn of this century, city fathers, planners and involved citizens have invested energy, imagination and a budget of $220 million in historic Quito, restoring her treasury of masterpiece colonial buildings; converting old buildings to new uses, such as the Military Hospital, which now houses a Contemporary Art Center; cleaning up and re-animating the old city, particularly with traffic-free zones, restful plazas and some fine new restaurants—all while expanding its inventory of modern hotels and lovely little boutique properties. Visitors have new lodging options, including the Hotel Plaza Grande, which occupies a 16th century house, and the Villa Colonna, both of which joined the hotel that led the boutique accommodations pack, the Hotel Patio Andaluz. And there are more to come. Actually, elsewhere in the city, there is a solid core of international hotels, including the new Le Parc and older five-star favorites from the Marriott to the Hilton Colon, and when it all adds up, born-again Quito has become a place that business travelers enjoy more and where leisure visitors are staying longer, making day excursions to stand right on Latitude 0 (with one foot in each hemisphere) at the Equatorial Monument, riding the rails for a day out, hiking and horseback riding in Cotopaxi National Park, and taking off for birdwatching in the El Mindo cloud forests. Quito’s most impressive architectural treasure has always been La Compania, a church whose facade is the city’s most ornate, whose interior is a dazzle of golden altars, and whose colonial art collection is just plain spectacular. Another essential-to-see spiritual fortress is San Francisco Church, the first great religious building on the continent.
The city’s artistic legacy is also on view at the Museum of Colonial Art, while more ancient artifacts dazzle visitors to the modern Central Bank Museum which has an astonishing collection of pre-Columbian ceramics, sculptures and golden artifacts. Ecuador’s centuries of artistic excellence carry over into boutiques packed with good buys in pottery, weaving, leather goods, gold and silver jewelry, and wood carvings from all over the country. Modern art also thrives here in galleries hosting many works by the country’s fine painters. Best known is Oswaldo Guayasamin, whose private collection of paintings, sculpture and jewelry is on view at his hilltop museum: Fundacion Guayasamin.

CUENCA
Founded on the ruins of the ancient Inca town of Tombebamba, Cuenca basks in a 17th century Spanish past, whose remaining charms include blue- and gold-domed churches, buildings with ornate balconies, and cloisters full of beautiful religious art. In this colonial gem of a city, cobblestone streets lead from one flower-filled plaza to the next, to turn-of-the-century mansions that are now lovely inns, and down to the Tombebamba River. Fittingly in colonial Cuenca, boutique inns occupying historic mansions—Mansion Alcazar and Hotel Santa Lucia—are two of the nicest places to stay. And of particular note, Cuenca, the place to see woven (and to buy) the finest of Panama hats. The essential excursion from town is Ecuador’s most important Inca site, the sprawling Inca fortress of Ingapirca.

GALAPAGOS ISLANDS
The Galapagos Islands, already one of the most popular eco-destinations in the world, will get even more attention in 2009. This year marks the 200th anniversary of the birth of Charles Darwin and the 150th anniversary of “The Origin of the Species,” the book that was inspired by his travels to this weird world of lava rock and volcano crater lakes, six main volcanic islands—and scores of smaller ones—that lie in the Pacific Ocean, 650 miles off the Ecuadorian coast. Here, Darwin found Antarctic fur seals living right on the equator, birds that swam but could no longer fly, huge tortoises lumbering about the highlands,13 different species of finches and three different kinds of boobies doing their mating dance rituals. Seeing all these natural wonders close up is part of the enchantment of the Galapagos, offering an adventure of a lifetime aboard the 90-passenger Santa Cruz and the 52-cabin Galapagos Explorer II, or aboard smaller yachts, including the 20-passenger Eric or Flamingo II, the Letty or the new 48-passenger La Pinta and Eclipse. There are many more fine vessels in the islands, sailing either from Santa Cruz Island or San Cristobal on 3-, 4- or 7-night cruises. And then there is the option to stay put on an island, where choice spots are on Santa Cruz Island, including Finch Bay EcoLodge, the Red Mangrove at Puerto Ayora, and the Hotel Royal Palm in the highlands. With the downturn in the world economy, this may be a good year for a bit of price-shopping on island cruising. However, at any time, the experience is priceless.

GUAYAQUIL
Also totally revamped in the last decade is the port city of Guayaquil, Ecuador’s commercial center that lies 30 miles inland from the Pacific on the Guayas River. Seemingly overnight, Guayaquil has been transformed from a rag-tag port city into a modern and worthwhile place to visit. Among the new attractions are the restoration of the historic Las Penas quarter and the Historic Park, showcasing the region’s traditions and wildlife. Most notable is the waterfront boardwalk (Malecon 2000), with gardens, fountains, restaurants and museums, including the Museum of Anthropology and Contemporary Art and the Museum Nahim Isaias, with a wonderful collection of colonial religious art. And from the Hilton Colon to the Hampton Inn, hotel development has kept pace with re-born Guayaquil.

IN AMAZONIA
East of the Andes lies Ecuador’s slice of the Amazon basin, a vast rainforest region called El Oriente, home to giant otters, wooly monkeys, river dolphins, some 1,600 species of birds, and various groups of indigenous peoples, many of whom are involved participants in ecotourism and the preservation of their natural heritage. Consider, for instance, a stay at the Napo Wildlife Center, one of the newest and most comfortable lodges (deluxe cabanas and the best observation
tower in Ecuador’s Amazon) and run by an indigenous community on the Rio Napo. It sits on Lake Anagu inside Yasuni National Park. Or, venture by small plane and motorized canoe to the remote, awardwinning Kapawi Ecolodge, a pioneer in community ownership of and participation in all aspects of sustainable tourism; the lodge is rich in comfort, hospitality and untamed nature.

It Would Be a Shame to Miss...
Quito is the takeoff point for visiting the many colorful and interesting markets in towns along the Pan American Highway—Ambato on Monday, Pujili on Wednesday, and Saquisili on Thursday. North of the capital near Cotopaxi National Park, lies Ecuador’s most famous market of all, Otavalo, where fi ne craftwork from all over the country spills out over dozens of plazas every Saturday morning. Go the night before and stay in any one of the highland inns: say Hacienda Pinsaqui, Hacienda San Agustin de Callo or La Mirage Garden Hotel & Spa.

Celebrations for All Seasons
Feb.: Carnival is celebrated nationwide; the city of Guaranda is particularly famous for its celebrations, as is Esmeraldas and Ambato.
June 24: The Inti Raymi fi estas (honoring the sun, but also St. John the Baptist) are most colorful in the northern Sierra, with the most famous on parade in Otavalo.
Sept. 24: The Fiesta de Mama Negra processions are held in Latacunga, now connected to Quito by rail.
Oct. 9: Guayaquil holds a city-wide party to celebrate Independence Day.
Dec.: The fi rst week of the month is Fiestas in Quito, honoring the founding of the capital with bullfi ghting, art exhibitions, street parades and outdoor concerts.

Colombia is turning out to be South America’s “come-back kid” in so many ways, including tourism. Indeed, who would have expected Lonely Planet to name Colombia in its top 10 destinations for 2009? Certainly the appealing resort-city of Cartagena is leading the revival, but Colombia is working hard to promote the attractions of its culturally commanding capital, and marketing new products such as its Coffee Route. And the tourist sector is getting a big boost from international hotel chains such as Radisson, Hilton, InterContinental, Marriott, Accor and Hyatt, all of which are in the process of building and renovating properties countrywide. Bypassing trouble spots, travelers are again discovering that Colombia is indeed the gem of two oceans.






BOGOTA
It was in 1538 when the conquistadors officially christened the site of Santa Fe de Bogota de Nuevo Reino de Granada de las Indias del Mar Oceano. Almost five centuries later, the capital has a nice short name, Bogota, a highly contemporary profile, and is home to 57 museums, 35 libraries, 25 churches, and 20 public squares. The skyline is dominated by steel and glass buildings and residential areas mix the styles of Andalucia and Frank Lloyd Wright. Yet upon closer look, you’ll find lovely colonial corridors along which to wander and museums full of ancient to contemporary treasures. The world-famous Museo de Oro is a wonder, packed with thousands of pre-Columbian gold objects and the largest uncut emerald in the world, while the recently opened Donacion Botero houses the permanent collection of Fernando Botero, Colombia’s best-known artist. You’re going to enjoy wandering around La Candelaria, a neighborhood that is practically a museum in itself, visiting exquisite colonial churches and craft markets, sitting in lively cafes or even attending a concert, opera or ballet at the beautiful Teatro Colon. Foreign visitors like to stay in the Bogota North area—one reason may be the Hotel Sofitel Victoria Regina, another perhaps the Charleston Bogota—an easy and safe to walk-about district that is full of good restaurants, classy shopping malls and a Sunday flea market. From Bogota, a day trip to the salt mine of Zipaquira and its immense Salt Cathedral carved out of rock some 450 ft. below ground is a must. For an outing closer in, take the funicular to the top of Monserrate Hill, crowned by an important pilgrimage church. On a clear day, the Andean vistas are grand.

BOUND FOR BOYACA
The Pan American Highway runs north from Bogota to the state of Boyaca, the emerald center of Colombia. The first stop is the capital, Tunja, a city founded in 1539 and often compared to Toledo in Spain, for it is a city of churches and old mansions. One of the loveliest of the latter, the Casa de Juan de Vargas, is now a museum that preserves the atmosphere and details of colonial life. But the gem of the colonial highlands lies 20 miles away: Villa de Leyva, a marvelous colonial town that resembles a setting out of the pages of “Man of La Mancha.” Its treasury includes small convents, monasteries, plazas and patioed homes admirably resorted. Take a weekend break to be here early for the Saturday market, a colorful affair that brings the country fold to town in brilliantly painted local buses called chivas. Stay a night or two in one of the town’s antique-filled inns, gracious, restored former mansions, millhouses or convents. Colonial buildings are also settings for a handful of museums, including the Museo del Carmen, displaying one of the country’s finest religious art collections. Additionally, Villa de Leyva is brimming with art galleries and handicraft shops noted for fine basketry, pottery, candles and weavings. You’re going to find that outside town, visitors enjoy two major pastimes: fossil hunting and horseback riding, and other nearby attractions include craft villages, caves, lakes and waterfalls.

TAKE A “COFFEE BREAK”
An hour’s flight from Bogota, and you land in Armenia, the coffeecountry capital of the Quindio province that joins Risaralda and Caldas to form the country’s coffee crossroads. Rural tourism here focuses on the historical, cultural and economic importance of coffee production, and “The Coffee Trail” circuits lead to the Coffee National Park with its little flower-bedecked farmhouses, a museum tracing the history of coffee and the cafeteros who do the picking, a Quimbayan Indian Cemetery, and a Willys Jeep display. (These vintage vehicles still bring sacks of picked coffee beans down from the mountains.) Learn everything you need to know about coffee at the Recuca plantation, and, of course, spend a few nights hiking, birdwatching or horseback riding in the Cocora Valley or Los Nevados National Park, enjoying the hospitality, comforts, fine dining and great coffee at a traditional hacienda: Casa el Delirio and Hacienda la Cabana.

CARTAGENA
With good reason, visitors are flocking to the colonial jewel of Colombia’s Caribbean coast—Cartagena, a sun-drenched, hospitable, fun-filled seaside resort city. A well-preserved old town and remnants of Spanish Main days of glory give this town a great historical richness (and its designation by UNESCO as a World Heritage site), and the Caribbean provides a frontyard of clear waters, beaches and dozens of offshore islands to explore on a day’s outing. Beguiling attractions include the 16th century fortifications that are the best example of Spanish conquest architecture in the Americas. You can walk the ramparts and wander through a labyrinth of tunnels that lace the massive San Felipe de Barajas Fortress. The best view of this historic domain is from the summit of La Popa, where the Augustinian monks founded the Church and Monastery of Santa Cruz in 1607. Down among the cobblestone streets and plazas of the old city, you’ll find 18th and 19th century houses painted a rainbow of colors—some accommodating enticing restaurants—and churches casting their shadows across leafy plazas. Take time to gape at the Gold Museum’s treasures, to explore the dungeons of Las Bovedas, to shop nonstop in a bevy of smart boutiques, or step into the Church of San Pedro Claver or the recently restored Santo Domingo. The latter boasts a sculpture of Fernando Botero outside its doors. You can’t miss it as you sip your lemonade at a cafe in the plaza named after the church. At the end of a day, call it a night by taking a “spin” through the quiet city in a horse-drawn carriage. In the old quarter, two former convents serve up deluxe comforts in beautiful surroundings: Sofitel Santa Clara and Hotel Charleston. The old city has other delicious choices of boutique hotels, while by the sea, the Cartagena Hilton recently opened its $5 million executive tower, whose suites and panoramic lounge overlook the pool and beach. Have any hotel where you are a guest pack you a picnic when taking off on a day boat ride for the best beaches on offshore islands such as Baru or the Rosario islands. Better yet, order up fresh crab and lobster on site.

It Would Be a Shame to Miss...
Because they seem to love their region more than their country, the natives of the department of Antioquia and its Medellin capital are often called the Texans of Colombia. This is a fresh and prosperous city that has a vibrant arts scene, modern architecture, and stunning mountain views. For a quick overview, take the new metro, whose track runs mostly above ground. A must-stop is at the excellent Museo de Antioquia, housed in the Municipal Palace. Modern art lovers are going to enjoy being in the city of Fernando Botero, whose sculptures are everywhere, while orchid lovers are in for a treat in the Botanical Garden of Joaquin Antonio Uribe. From the city’s best hotel, the InterContinental Medellin, it’s an easy drive to Santa Fe de Antioquia, a well-preserved colonial town with a cathedral and the Church of Santa Barbara.

Celebrations for All Seasons
Feb./Mar.: One of the most boisterous Carnivals on the continent takes place in Barranquilla.
Mar./Apr.: The southwestern city of Popayan stages the country’s grandest religious processions during Holy Week.
Aug.: The Festival of Flowers takes place in Medellin early in the month.
Sept.: The beat heats up in Cali during the World Salsa Festival.
Oct.: Bogota hosts a Jazz Festival this month, and a Film Festival.
Nov.: The National Beauty Pageant, a major event on the Colombian calendar, takes place in Cartagena.