MOST AMERICANS tend to think that British houses are small; most British houses are in fact smaller than the average American house. They usually have distinct rooms, with doors rather than archways, although open-plan styles are becoming more popular. Typically, you'll walk straight into a hallway, no matter how small. (Most Brits, including myself, have an inbuilt aversion to opening the front door and walking straight into the living room.) In many cases the hallway is there to keep the cold out of the living room, and to keep noise from traveling upstairs. The stairways are often not as high or as wide as in the States (as my husband, at six feet four, can attest), especially in structures from the nineteenth century and before. If you're lucky enough to visit a house, pub, or hotel from about the sixteenth century, the doors are often so small that even women have to stoop to enter. A word here—complaining loudly every time you hit your head on an original Tudor beam will generally be looked on as uncouth!
I'm giving you this information so that you don't walk into someone's house and immediately start marveling at how small or "quaint" certain things are. This is usually met with frosty looks and only serves to maintain yet another stereotype that Americans think their stuff is always bigger and better. Just so you're prepared, a few other gems follow.

• Buying a house in the UK is a little different (surprise, surprise). You don't need an agent to buy a house (although you can hire them to help you), and if you want to sell one, you simply go along to one of the many "estate agent" offices you'll see. It's also okay to list your house with more than one estate agent. As in the States, you'll need a lawyer (solicitor) to do the conveyancing of the property (transfer ownership). The big thing to be wary of is "gazzump-ing (or gazumping)." No, it's not a hideous disease harbored in very old houses, but the practice of the seller accepting your offer and then accepting a higher offer at the very last minute. This is the scourge of house buying in much of the UK and is very common. It can even happen after the initial would be purchaser has commissioned a survey, arranged financing, and sold his or her existing property. Once contracts have been exchanged between a buyer and seller, the sale is complete and gazzump-ing (or gazumping) can't happen. Since accepting an offer doesn't seal the deal, most purchasers ask the seller to take the property off the market and/or try to exchange contracts as quickly as possible. Gazzumping does not occur in Scotland because accepting an offer creates a legally binding arrangement. (Obviously, this does not constitute legal advice on the matter and you should always consult a lawyer before buying or selling a house in the UK.)

• When you buy a house in the UK (and, as an American, you'll be allowed to), you shouldn't expect to see a place that is in move-in condition in terms of decor. Sellers assume that you will want to put your own "stamp" on the property, so very few of them waste money on new paint. You'll have to look past the garish wallpaper or outlandish faux finishes when viewing potential properties. In addition, far fewer people in the UK view a house and start thinking about tearing down walls or otherwise reconfiguring them, and the seller probably won't budge on price just because of changes you might feel should be made. If the house isn't configured the way a Brit wants, he or she will usually find another one and move straight in.

• Many people name their houses. Very old houses usually have a name because the street or road they are on didn't allocate numbers when the houses were first built. Newer homes are usually given names because the owners think it adds a certain prestige to the abode. The Royal Mail prefers that all named houses also have a number, but there's not a lot you can do if you move into a house that doesn't come with a number. When houses do have numbers, you'll usually find odd numbers on one side of a street and even on the other. Unfortunately, many of the newer housing developments have winding roads and the layout of the numbers will make you suspect a trick is being played on you.

• British houses are rarely air-conditioned and are heated by radiators, which are extremely hot to the touch and give off a surprising amount of heat. Some newer houses, which began life with forced air, are now converting back to radiators, as the Brits tend to prefer this. Windows don't have screens or storm windows, so you'll probably find flies buzzing in the summer. It doesn't bother anyone, and fly spray is sold everywhere!

• I would venture to say that the chief complaint among Americans staying in the UK is about the showers. Walk-in
showers are not as common or as powerful as in the United States, and many Brits still prefer baths. Often, when you find a shower, it is a tub shower, the shower curtains are never quite long enough, and they have a tendency to stick to you as soon as the water starts running. If you're desperate for a really good shower, find a resident American. He or she will undoubtedly have ripped out the bathroom and rehabbed it "American style," or found the only house in the entire vicinity with a powerful shower.

• Many houses, especially with fewer than four bedrooms, do not have more than one full bathroom, although higherend new houses are beginning to come with a bathroom for each bedroom, and loos dotted about all over the place (figuratively speaking). I was recently watching a show on BBC America, in which a couple is helped in their search for the perfect English country house. The couple in question didn't like one of the houses because it had "too many bathrooms" (one for each bedroom), and they thought it felt too much like a hotel! I have to add, though, that it was an old house, and numerous loos did seem a bit odd.

• Where owners of old homes have added loos or showers, you'll often find them in very strange places—under the stairs in the entry hall or in a tiny closet in the corner of a bedroom. If you're over six feet tall, there won't be a lot of room to maneuver. Bathrooms are often separate from the room containing the toilet, especially in older houses. If you ask for the bathroom, you might be shown only to a bathroom (with no toilet). "Restroom" is not a recognized word in the UK, and the word "toilet" refers to the room as well as the receptacle. Ask for the toilet, loo, ladies/men's room, or lavatory— these words are not offensive. The term "half bath" is not a word. Oh yes, the word "lavatory" in the UK refers to the toilet, as opposed to the hand basin. Don't have a heart attack to hear that someone "peed in the lawy." A loo is never referred to as a "commode." The good news is that, since there's no requirement for low-flush toilets in the UK, they don't block up and overflow nearly as much. If the bathroom is accessed directly from a bedroom, it will be referred to as an "en suite" bathroom, both in homes and in hotels. Sometimes only the words "en suite" are used. In some bathrooms, while you might not find a toilet, you could encounter a bidet. Americans not accustomed to these have been known to use them as a toilet. Remember, if it doesn't have a tank or a handle to flush with, it probably isn't a toilet. In older houses, the hot and cold faucets (taps) are often mounted separately on sinks and baths, which bugs my husband as he says it's impossible to wash your hands or face in running water without incurring second-degree burns. (The idea, dearest, is that you're supposed to put the plug in and fill the sink.) While I acknowledge the burning potential, it also means that you can brush your teeth with nice cold water while waiting for the hot water to warm up. Actually, since the hot water's coming out of a separate tap, it quite often comes out piping hot, so there is no waiting!

• Still on the subject of bathrooms, ask if it's okay to drink the water! In older houses it often comes from a tank in the attic, which is not chemically treated. These days it's usually okay to drink from the bathroom cold faucet, but I guarantee you'll find Brits who refuse to do this, although they won't be able to give you a valid reason.

• Many houses still do not have dishwashers, or waste disposal units in the sink—so pause before throwing anything in there. Most kitchen sinks have a great built-in draining board, but alas, not that handy little spray attachment you're used to.

• Washing machines and dryers are not as big as in the States, and are often located in the kitchen. The washing machines (usually front loaders), however, are very efficient and often require an advanced degree to work out the program required for your load. (Warning: If you're borrowing someone's house for your stay in the UK, make sure you get detailed instructions on how to use the machine. Every other appliance should be okay, but not the washer.) Dryers were often the type that simply extracted moisture from clothes (rather than blowing hot air around) but they have become more efficient recently—thank goodness. You will find that whenever there's a breezy day, people like to hang their washing outside. A common phrase when remarking on a sunny, breezy day (usually in jest) is "Lovely drying weather."

• Refrigerators, generally called "fridges," are nowhere near the size of American ones, so many families have a second fridge and perhaps even a chest freezer (commonly called a "deep" freezer), hidden away in the garage or the utility room. Check before having your jumbo fridge shipped over, or buying one in the United States fitted for British voltage, since it might not even fit into the designated space in your British kitchen. The cooking appliance is known as an oven, cooker, or stove, but the word "range" is rarely used unless you're referring to the enormous Aga-type ranges that are meant for farmhouses but can now be found in yuppie kitchens everywhere. Household appliances you won't easily find in the UK include waffle irons, stove-top griddles, big coolers, huge refrigerators, ice dispensers, three-way lamps, in-shower radios, steam-free shaving mirrors, mega outdoor grills, BBQ grills on an inside range, ceiling fans, window screens, good coffeemakers, electric skillets, snow blowers, leaf blowers, and top-loading washing machines. And most annoyingly, when you buy most household appliances, they don't always come with a plug on them. Still on the topic of household appliances, you will often find British ones in very odd places—washing machines are invariably in or near the kitchen, while the dryer could literally be anywhere. Until recently, my mother's was in the garage, but when the new kitchen was fitted, a place was found in there for it. Many homes have a "utility room" where washers, dryers, and extra fridges or freezers stay. The hot water heater also can be almost anywhere in the house, but is usually kept in what's known as the "airing cupboard," which will be somewhere close to the bathroom. Airing cupboards are great for storing towels and sheets, which, when needed, are always lovely and warm, because of the hot water heater.

• Gardens are never called "yards," and are usually much more private. No matter how small the patch in front of a house, it is usually edged by a small wall, fence, or hedge. A "yard" in the UK refers to a concrete enclosure and was more typical of the tenement housing of the lower classes built during the Victorian era. Hence the word may open up a huge sociological can of worms with the Brits you encounter. Although decks are becoming more popular (being cheaper and easier to install), most outdoor "flooring" tends to be of the patio variety. "Crazy paving" usually refers to random shaped flagstones.

• Televisions don't quite reach the proportions of some in the United States, but this is only a matter of time. One
thing that's available in the UK which you might not be familiar with is the text information on the "telly." Ceefax, available on the BBC, and Teletext, on Independent Television, is an information service available at the press of a button. Not only do you get TV-related information, but you can almost organize your life by it—new car pricing, vacation possibilities, government information—a veritable telly Internet. (See chapter 10 for more on the telly.)

• Closets the size of small rooms are a bit thin on the ground, especially in old houses. In newer houses, you'll get "fitted wardrobes," which are like built-ins in the States. In older houses, however, you'll get a square room with windows—hence the British fondness for wardrobes, and other freestanding furniture.

• Having trawled through scores of British bed manufacturer's Web sites, there doesn't seem to be much uniformity in the names given to different sized beds. The term "queen" is not often used for a double bed. If you will be staying in furnished accommodation but are required to take your own bed linen, ask for specific measurements as the U.S. and UK versions of "double" and "king" often differ.
Household animals: Generally, the Brits have the same kind of pets as in the States, although some people keep racing pigeons in their backyards. Domestic cats are generally not confined to the house and declawing them is unheard of. Be prepared for looks of confusion when you describe your feline as a "house cat," followed by looks of horror when you explain that its front claws were removed to protect your furniture. British cats come and go as they please (unless they're in a high-rise) by means of a cat flap, usually in the back kitchen door. These flaps produce gales of freezing air in the winter, so people keep the kitchen-toliving- room door closed. Cats are often referred to as "moggies" for some reason. A favorite in the pet department, which is not too common in the United States, is the budgerigar, commonly called a "budgie." These tiny birds look like small parakeets and can be hilarious, in that they are often taught to repeat outrageous phrases and usually do so at the most inopportune moments.

BRITISH WORDS THAT MIGHT
REQUIRE TRANSLATION

Airing cupboard n—linen closet
Bed-sit n—studio apartment/efficiency
Bin n—trash can (either outside or inside)
Bin bag n—trash bag
Bin liner n—trash bag
Bin men n—trash collectors
Bog n—toilet
Bottom drawer n—hope chest
Box n—TV
Bungalow n—ranch-style, single-level houses
Commode n—only ever a hospital-type portable toilet
Cot n—crib
Cloakroom n—can mean a bathroom or a place to hang coats
Council housing—housing project
Cupboard n—closet
Des res (pronounced "dez rez") n—desirable residence (tongue-in-cheek)
Detached house n—single-family house
Dustbin n—trash can (outdoor variety)
Dustmen n—trash collectors
Duvet n—comforter
En suite—refers to a bathroom directly attached to a bedroom
Flat n—apartment; condo
French windows n—French doors
Garden n—yard
Housing estate n—housing development (usually newer houses)
Khazi n—toilet
Lavatory n—toilet
Loft n—space at the top of a house that has not been converted into livable space
Loo, lawy, bog, privy, WC—toilet
Love seat n—antique seat with one chair facing one way and the other in the opposite direction (not a simple twoseater as in the States)
Ottoman n—blanket chest (usually found in bedrooms)
Outhouse n—outside toilet
Parafin n—kerosene
Postman n—mail carrier
Privet hedge n—box wood
Puffy/pouffe n—ottoman, foot rest
Rubbish bin n—trash can
Scullery n—old word for kitchen
Semi-detached house n—duplex
Skip n—Dumpster
Skirting board n—baseboard
Single bed n—twin bed
Strimmer n—weed whacker
Tap n—faucet
Terraced house n—row house
Twin beds n—two beds in the same room
Wall to wall (carpet) n—fitted carpet
Wastepaper basket n—trash can (only for paper)
Wheelie bin n—outdoor trash can with wheels
Yard n—brick, cement-walled enclosure
Zed bed n—fold-up bed

AMERICAN WORDS THAT THE BRITS
DON'T SHARE

"A" frame house—doesn't exist
Apartment—flat
Baseboard—skirting board
Blanket chest—ottoman
Brownstone/greystone—not used to describe a house like this
Closet (in bedroom)—wardrobe
Closet (anywhere else)—cupboard
Comforter—duvet
Cot—camp bed
Condo—flat
Crib—cot
Dumpster—skip
Faucet—tap
Half-bath—toilet, lavatory, etc.
Hope chest—bottom drawer
Housing project—council estate
Love seat—two-seater sofa
Mud room—utility room
Ranch style—bungalow
Row house—terraced house
Single family dwelling—detached house
Studio apartment—bed-sit
Trash can—bin, rubbish bin, dustbin, wastepaper basket
Twin bed—single bed
Walk-up—not used to describe this type of building, although they do exist
Yard—garden