YOU'LL PROBABLY F I N D that people in the UK are less engaged in the pursuit of entertainment than the average American. You'll rarely hear them asking each other, "What are your plans for the weekend?" Sundays are typically very laid-back, family affairs, with the occasional pint at the local pub before going home for Sunday lunch or dinner. Having said that, Brits do have a great many ways of entertaining themselves; and as usual, there are a great many unwritten rules you'll need to know.

• First things first: The term "theatre" always refers to a stage production, and not the movies. (Also note the spelling!) You might get a few invitations to go to "the pictures," which means a movie theatre or cinema. An older word, but one that is still used for the movies, is "the flicks."

• The theatre in the UK is first class. Obviously, there's London's West End and Shakespeare's Stratford-upon-Avon, but don't write off provincial theatre. "The provinces" have great shows, particularly if a play is touring before going on to a London theater. The Royal Shakespeare Company considers Newcastle-upon-Tyne one of its major venues after Stratford and London. Unlike the States, the cast usually doesn't change when the production moves to a new city, so you have a chance of seeing the "stars" even outside London.
Theater shows usually begin on time; if late, you must often wait until the interval (intermission) to take your seat. Tickets for the big London shows are often hard to come by, but the theatres do sell off cut-price tickets for that night's performance, so it is possible to get lucky. Oh yes, when you see a sign for the "Stalls" in the theatre, it's referring to the orchestra, or ground-level seats. The "Circle" or "Royal Circle" refers to the mezzanine; "Upper Circle" means the Balcony; the "Gallery" is the Upper Balcony; and "the Gods" are the nosebleed seats. One particular piece of theatre you may not be familiar with is the good old "pantomime" or "panto." This is not actually a mime at all, though you will find it most peculiar. Typically performed around Christmastime, it is a lavish performance of a well-known fairy story, such as Cinderella, Mother Goose, Snow White, etc. Many famous British personalities star in these pantomimes and take them on tour around the country. Think of them as precursors to the modern musicals such as Cats and Phantom. There are a few oddities about these pantomimes that you should know of. First, and perhaps most odd, the male lead (called the principal boy), such as Prince Charming in Cinderella, is often played by a female. Every now and then you'll get a female impersonator pretending to be a female in the principal boy role! If there are any old hags to be played, such a witches and wicked stepmothers, you can guarantee they'll be played by men. The second odd thing is the banter. Throughout the pantomime, not only will there be many references to current affairs (which could make you feel like a stranger within the first five minutes), but the players will invariably turn to the audience and yell something like, "Oh no, you wouldn't," to which the audience will join in with, "Oh yes, I would!" Fortunately, the many risque jokes included go over the heads of the little ones and pantos are generally good, safe family entertainment.

• For those of you who haven't visited the UK in a while, British TV has come a long way. For a start, there are now numerous "terrestrial" channels (not satellite or cable), and almost round-the-clock coverage. In addition, most homes now have either satellite or cable channels, allowing you access to many of your favorite American TV shows, as well as a wide variety of European soccer matches. Better than all the TV shows are the commercials (adverts), which people watch as avidly as any soap. They are often much more risque than anything you'd see in the States, and the humor is exceedingly dry. If you have occasion to buy or lease a TV, make sure you also purchase a TV license. Since the BBC channels don't run commercials, they generate revenue via the dreaded license. Yes, it is possible to operate a TV without a license, but if you're caught in the act, you'll receive a hefty fine. (TV detector vans roam the streets and can pick up the signal from your home.) You only need one license per house, no matter how many TVs you have in there, and licenses can be purchased at Post Offices, by phone, mail or online. (By the way, the noun "license" is spelled "licence" in the UK; the verb is still "license.") Under recent licensing regulations, people using PCs to watch television are still required to obtain a television license. The National Lottery: It will appear to you that the Brits are obsessed with their National Lottery. There are several lotteries—daily, weekly, bi-monthly, and monthly—all with different names for players' ease. You can play online (if you're over sixteen), and buy lottery tickets everywhere. When the winning numbers are picked, it is done with much fanfare as a nationally televised half hour show. The winners get 50 percent of the monies paid into the lottery, while about 28 percent of this pool helps fund projects and grants throughout the UK. Turf accountants—otherwise known as betting shops or "bookies," can be found throughout the land as the British love to place bets. Aside from the usual things to bet on, such as horse racing and soccer results, you can currently place bets on who will be the next pope or the next American president. The term "punter" is very common in the UK; it used to refer specifically to gamblers but is now used for customers in general.
The local pub is often the center of entertainment for many people. The bars in the States that claim to be authentic English or Scottish pubs are actually nothing like those in the UK. For a start, British pubs are usually carpeted. If the pub is a tad grotty, your feet will stick to the carpet as you make your way to the bar. If it's a really old country pub, you might see the original flagstone floor. The pub is a good place to meet friends and sit and have a chat. Many, particularly in small towns and villages, have their own darts competitions, football teams, quiz nights, and snooker and cricket teams, which play in pub leagues. (I kid you not!) Of course, there's the other type of pub—noisy, bright, and full of young people out on the town for the night. Most major towns and cities have fairly active social scenes, again with the pub at the center of it all. You'll also find quite a few wine bars, where you can get snacks or even a meal with your glass of vino, and, if you're lucky, you'll be able to hear enough to have a conversation.

• The laws governing alcohol consumption are very different in the UK. It is illegal to give alcohol to a child under five unless it's an emergency, and there must be adult supervision. Children under fourteen are allowed into bars that have a children's certificate; they must stay in a room or area (e.g., garden) where alcohol is consumed but not sold. In other words they can't belly up to the bar. Always check with the restaurant or pub manager as some establishments still refuse to have children on the premises. At ages fourteen and fifteen, minors can go into bars but may not consume alcohol. At sixteen and seventeen they may be bought a beer or cider to eat with a meal but only in restaurants, not pubs. Again, check with the manager beforehand. Eighteen is the legal age at which you may purchase and consume alcohol.

• The UK is sports-mad—unfortunately, not the same sports that you follow in the United States. Soccer (commonly referred to as "football" in Europe, South America, and basically everywhere but the States) is big, and every city has at least one team. Many have two and the rivalry between them is fierce. Unfortunately, a football match/game is not the place for young kids and grannies. The fans often get quite violent and the atmosphere just isn't the same as at American baseball or football games. Alcohol is not served, nor will you be allowed into a match if you appear inebriated. Note: a "pitch" in the UK refers to the field where the game is being played, and a "strip" or "kit" is the uniform. The other big team sports in the UK are rugby, cricket, snooker, and darts, which receive a lot of TV coverage and are followed almost as avidly. Track and field sports are covered extensively and participated in at school. Apparently the biggest participant sport (as opposed to spectator sport) is fishing—or "angling," as it's also known. For obvious reasons, this is not covered widely on TV, but you will see plenty of sheep-dog trials. There used to be a TV show—which was extremely popular and went on for years—called One Man and His Dog. The commentator had to speak in an extremely quiet voice so as not to distract the dogs. I'm not joking! Another sport widely participated in, particularly if you're over eighty, is lawn bowling. In every town, city, and village you'll find a beautifully manicured bowling green with little old men and women quietly bowling big black balls toward a smaller white one. People get very serious about their bowling and spend hours out there.

• A few differences in sporting terms: "Hockey" in the UK is generally understood to refer to field hockey. If you want to talk about ice hockey, say "ice hockey." Similarly, "riding" is the term used for horse-back riding, and skiing refers to snow-skiing rather than water-skiing.

• If you're a big knitter you'll be thrilled at the amount of "wool shops" to be found in the UK. Be aware that knitting
needle sizes are different in the UK so a British knitting pattern is a potential disaster area. Grab a needle size converter before attempting a British pattern and you won't have to buy a new supply of knitting needles. Yarn is generally called "wool." Similarly, if you're into sewing, remember that British sizing is different so double-check any patterns you buy. Many department stores have fabric and wool departments.

• One thing that will have you rubbing your eyes in disbelief is Morris dancing. This is a centuries old type of folkdancing done by enthusiasts up and down the country, and indeed in North America and the Antipodes. Its origins are heavily debated and linked to the far corners of the globe; however there are references to Morris dancing in Shakespeare. It is probably the closest to traditional English dancing that there is, although there are huge regional differences both in the dance steps and the costumes. For costumes they are! Probably the closest thing to an English national costume actually. In most cases the men (and a few women) wear knee breaches, baggy shirts and vests. The shirts are almost always white but the breaches can be black or white and the vests can be any color. Some Morris dancers have bells attached to the bottom of their breeches, some wear clogs and some paint their faces black. The dancers sort of gaily jump around clashing sticks, swords or waving handkerchiefs, accompanied by a variety of instruments closely related to the accordion. Morris dancing is largely associated with May Day celebrations. Teams compete in national and international competitions and are passionate about their hobby. If you look up Morris dancing on the Internet you will see what I mean. Another national hobby that you'll find quaint and amusing is the brass band. The celebrated composer, conductor, and wit Sir Thomas Beecham is alleged to have said "Brass bands are all very well in their place—outdoors and several miles away". The British movie "Brassed Off" accurately portrays brass bands in the UK. Generally regarded as a working class hobby, there are competitions around the country to proclaim the best brass band. Many brass bands are affiliated to work situations such as factories and mines, and the band members must be employees to be eligible to compete. Many outdoor parks still have Victorian band stands, and the practice of a brass band playing on Sunday afternoons is being revived in some areas. The world of entertainment in general will be very different in the UK. American celebrities who can barely walk along the street in the States without being mobbed are unknown in the UK—apart from the Tom Cruise-type international superstars. Katie Couric, Barbara Walters, Dave Letterman, Sammy Sosa? They would probably only be recognized by fellow Americans. Similarly, the personalities that are featured every week in British gossip columns will ring no bells with you. Don't worry, you'll soon know exactly who Lulu, Denise Van Outen, and Cliff Richards are.

BRITISH WORDS THAT MIGHT
REQUIRE TRANSLATION

Adverts n—commercials
(The) baths n—swimming pool; swimming baths
"The Beeb"—affectionate name for the BBC
BBC—British Broadcasting Corporation
Booking office n—ticket office
Bookmaker/bookies—betting shop
Chat show—talk show
Dobber n—remote control
"The flicks" n—the movies
Gods n—nosebleed seats in the theatre
ITN—Independent Television Network
Kit n—sports uniform
Match n—game (football, cricket, etc.)
"The pictures" n—the movies
Pitch n—playing field
Snug n—small section in very old bars
Stands n—bleachers
Stalls n—orchestra seats in the theatre
Strip n—sports uniform
Terraces n—bleachers (in soccer)

AMERICAN WORDS THAT THE BRITS
DON'T SHARE:

Bleachers—stands
Movie theater—cinema; the pictures
Orchestra seats—Stalls
Pinch hitter—doesn't exist
Ticket office—booking office
Uniform—this word is only used for military, police, and other such professional attire; not sports attire

THE GOOD NEWS is that you can find many American chains, if you feel the need for home comforts. The first international TGI Fridays was opened in Birmingham, and they are to be found in most major cities, along with McDonald's, Burger King, Taco Bell, etc. There are also Starbucks popping up all over the place, although the prices may startle you. Dining out in the United States is usually a much more casual affair than in the United Kingdom. This is probably because it is more expensive in the UK and people treat it more as an evening out than just a means to feed themselves. When booking a table to eat out, it would be unusual to do so for earlier than 7 p.m.

• Although the UK is embracing fast food there are still geographical areas that have few truly fast food places, and very few that stay open 2 4 hours. It often shocks and amazes Americans that these places will close down or run out of food in the middle of the day when masses of people are clearly waiting to buy something. Stately homes and other such places open to the public are particularly adept at running out of sandwiches about 20 minutes after they open for lunch. If you have blood sugar problems, or just like to eat frequently, don't assume you'll be able to grab something to eat outside of regular mealtimes. Unless you're living or working in central London, expect a much slower pace in restaurants. "Table turnover" is not quite the obsession that it is in the States, so you will not be immediately pounced upon to make a menu choice, nor will you feel much pressure to finish your meal and take care of the bill (check). I often find that Americans end up chasing the waiter down, rather than feeling any pressure to leave the establishment.
Once you are seated in a restaurant, it is generally not the done thing to get up and leave, unless you need to go to the hospital! Being a foreigner, you could obviously get away with it, and indeed no one can stop you as long as you are not leaving an unpaid bill. The natives, however, wouldn't dream of doing this and would also be highly embarrassed if any member of their party tried to. When I was first married and living in Dallas, my husband decided he didn't like the menu at a restaurant we had chosen. Such is my British training that I was horrified at the prospect of leaving after we had been seated and made him tell the waiter that I wasn't feeling well, while I tried to look as pale and wan as possible! A year later, while visiting England, I did a similar thing myself, to my brother and sister-in-law. This time, we had only stepped into the entrance lobby and I decided I didn't care for the food on the menu. They were so embarrassed they pretended not to know me!

• To help you manage your expectations in a British restaurant, here's what you will and won't get. Ice is often not served with drinks in restaurants (nor do people have large quantities in their houses). Water is usually not served with a meal and extra cups of coffee with dinner are not usually free, nor is the bread. Iced tea is rarely on the menu and refills certainly wouldn't be free. Restaurants usually don't split dishes, serve things on the side, or mix and match their menus as much as here. You won't usually be able to order two appetizers instead of an entree. In short, don't expect as much flexibility as you get Stateside, but asking politely could result in your request being granted. At one London international airport which shall remain nameless, I had to buy two full meals and sit down in the
restaurant because my kids wanted French fries. I couldn't just order the fries because they were only on the menu accompanied by fish sticks, chicken nuggets, etc. I asked the assistant to leave the other food off the plate, as I knew my kids wouldn't eat it, but she said she had to serve me the full meal so that the cashier would know what I was paying for. Needless to say, I was speechless at the inflexibility, not to mention the waste of food.

• Be prepared for fewer culinary descriptions from your waiter or in the menu. A hilarious incident happened to me when dining out with my mother and sibs. The waitress could only tell us that one of the special appetizers was "soup." When I asked what kind of soup it was, she replied that she didn't know, and then poised herself, pencil at the ready, for our order. Since I quite fancied a bowl of soup, I asked her if she could find out its flavor. She seemed greatly put out, and my family, I perceived, were slightly embarrassed, too. Good thing I bothered, though, as it was French Onion, which none of us liked.

• Although there are great "takeaway" restaurants (Chinese, Indian, and the famed "chippy") in every town, village, and city, most regular restaurants do not offer doggy bags (which incidentally is an unknown term). If you ask for something to be "wrapped," you will be met with blank looks and a distinct lack of action. Even when you explain what you want, you'll probably be told they don't have anything to put the food in. In addition, rather than delivering this answer apologetically, you'll more than likely be regarded as greedy or crazy. Even where "wrapped" food is available, most Brits haven't embraced this practice.

• You will never be expected to keep your silverware from one course to the next. Indeed, placing your dirty knife and fork on the tablecloth as the busboy approaches would be similar to tipping your plate upside down. In addition, your plate will probably not be removed until you have set your knife and fork next to each other on the plate. Resting silverware apart on your plate indicates that you are still eating your meal. Talking of silverware—first of all, unless you're talking about family heirlooms, it's "cutlery"; second, although it's becoming more acceptable to cut up your food and then eat it all with only the fork, I would still advise against doing this is in posh restaurants or at formal dinners. Just like elbows on the table, it's not considered good form in the UK.

• When ordering tea or coffee, Brits use the phrases "white," "black," and variations thereof:

White—coffee/tea with milk
White without—coffee/tea with milk and no sugar
Black without—black coffee/tea without sugar
White with—coffee/tea with milk and sugar
Black with—black coffee/tea with sugar

Both tea and coffee are served with milk, as opposed to cream or half and half. If you ask for cream, after some odd looks, you will be given a small jug of very thick cream; half and half is not known. The Brits rarely drink tea with lemon and you would have to ask for it specifically. Similarly, iced tea is not popular in the UK and not often offered as a beverage choice. If you make someone a cup of tea in your home, play it safe and ask your guest how he or she likes it beforehand. If you're making it "in the cup" (as opposed to a full pot), never use more than one tea bag per cup. If your guest likes strong tea, simply leave the tea bag in the water a little longer. Better still, ask them to "say when." If you're having tea with someone who says, "Shall I be Mother?" (even if it's a guy), they are simply offering to pour the tea! A final point on tea: You'll discover there are many different opinions about how the perfect cup of tea is made, but one thing is for certain—microwaved water just doesn't cut it with most Brits. If you don't possess a kettle, it's better to boil the water in a small saucepan than to risk the microwave.

• When buying a sandwich, you will typically not be preDining sented with the number of options that you get in the States. Perhaps you'll be asked if you'd like white or brown bread, but the salad (lettuce and tomato) will be included unless you can catch them beforehand. If you have particular likes or dislikes, be very upfront and specific about them, or you'll just have to take what you get—the Brits are not as relaxed about making you up another sandwich just because you don't like it. Many Americans find the skinny British sandwiches highly amusing. I must enlighten you here, though—those pathetic, skinny sandwiches are usually only sold in business areas where starving office workers have little or no choice but to put up with them. Take yourself off to a real bakery or tea shop and you'll find some huge, bun-style "sarnies" with delicious fillings spilling out all over the place.
Brits very rarely have breakfast outside of their home, except in London, where brunch has caught on. Unless you're in an American-type restaurant, don't expect to be understood if you ask for eggs "sunny side up" or any other similar description. Eggs come basically fried, scrambled, poached, or boiled: after that, you need to describe how you'd like them cooked in plain, old-fashioned English. When you've finished your meal, ask for the "bill" rather than the "check," as some wait staff might think you're referring to a method of payment, which incidentally you are allowed to use in restaurants backed up by a bank card— and the spelling is "cheque." In many restaurants in the UK you must order every part of your meal individually. Often, the meat entree doesn't "come with" veggies or potatoes and you'll have to remember to order them. In pubs and gastropubs, however, it is more common to have buffets, or to find a full meal on the menu. It is legal for minors aged sixteen and seventeen to be bought a beer or cider to drink with a meal. This applies to restaurants but not bars.

• Tipping: Check your restaurant or hotel bill to see if a service charge has already been added, in which case there is no need to tip further, and certainly not the rigid 15 percent as here. If you feel the service has been unacceptable, you may refuse to pay the service charge, and you will rarely be interrogated or followed outside if the tip appears small. You will, however, see an extra charge for VAT (explained below) on your bill.

• When referring to food or a restaurant, the phrase "cordon bleu" is pronounced in the French style and the Brits will be highly amused to hear "cordon bloo."

BEING ENTERTAINED AT SOMEONE'S HOUSE

• You may be invited to a "dinner party" even though only four to six people are invited. This is considered a fairly formal invitation, which requires a timely response, prompt arrival, and no unannounced extra guests. Unless otherwise stated, it will usually be an adults-only invitation, so don't drag your kids along even if you can't find a baby-sitter. It is customary to take a bottle of wine or a small gift, or as one American friend puts it, it is "the kiss of death" to arrive empty-handed. It is also good manners to call or write afterwards to say thank you. Your hostess may say "Seven-thirty for eight," or, "Eight for eight-thirty," which means that you can turn up any time within this half hour. You should not wander in late. A very formal invitation may state, "Mrs. John Doe at home for Jane," which basically means the parents are throwing a posh party for lucky old Jane. At a dinner party, expect to have the seating allocated by the host; a common practice is for couples to be split up. If invited to "supper," this will be around the same time but will be a much more casual affair. "Casual" does not mean you can turn up late, though. Whatever type of invitation you receive, while it is courteous to offer to bring something, it is not common to bring a complete course, such as a salad or dessert. Do not insist if your host says not to worry. Insisting that you contribute to the meal is just not done in the UK, unless it's family or really close friends; even then, you'll often find the hosts want to do it themselves. Similarly, by all means help clear the table, but remember you are there to socialize, so spending the rest of the night in the kitchen clearing up will make your hosts feel uncomfortable, force them to join you in clearing up, and ruin what might have been a relaxing evening. If you receive an invitation to a dinner party that you can't make, don't be surprised or offended if the host simply says, "Oh, never mind, another time perhaps." Unless the host is specifically trying to introduce you to certain people, the dinner party will go on without you. Evening socializing usually goes on later than it does in the United States and dinner parties often don't start till 8.30 p.m. nor break up till after midnight. Formal balls typically go on into the wee hours of the morning and a breakfast will be served. When an American friend threw her first dinner and invited guests for 7 p.m., one English guest commented that it was an "odd" time to serve dinner.

• Unless you are entertaining business clients, taking friends out to dinner and paying for their meals is not considered "entertaining one's friends" and is rarely done.

• The table settings in the UK are a little different from their American equivalents. For a start, there will be no salad plate or fork, and no long-handled spoon set at the side next to the knife. (Southerners—What is that for anyway?) All knives will be to the right and all forks (except a dessert fork) to the left. If you're having soup, you will also get a soup spoon next to your knife. Across the top will be the dessert spoon and possibly a fork. If in doubt, just surreptitiously copy the majority at the table. When you have a multitude of knives and forks set out before you, the secret is to work from the outside in. The great thing about being an American dining in the UK is that you can cover yourself ahead of time by explaining that the table settings are different, and would somebody please advise you.

• The order of food in the UK may be slightly different from what you're used to in the States. For example, you'd rarely be offered a plate of cheese to nibble on before the meal, as cheese is usually served at the end, sometimes with a glass of port. Be advised—if you have never had port before, it is a fortified wine and packs a strong punch the morning after. When the port does appear at the table, it should be passed around to the left. If you decided not to imbibe, you should still pass the decanter around rather than placing it in the center of the table. In the olden days, when the port came out, it was time for the ladies to retire to another room and let the men do their thing. This rarely happens these days.

• The question, "Would you like a drink?", can lead to some confusion and embarrassment. Many hosts will be referring to an alcoholic drink, especially in the evening, but during the day it could well be a cup of tea. Best way around this one? Reply with something like "Whatever's easiest," and take your cue from them. If you're doing the hosting and your polite guest asks for tea when you had something stronger in mind, give him another chance by adding, "Would you prefer something stronger?" You should be warned that the coffee you'll be served might well be instant, as Brits drink a lot of instant coffee. If it's real, it will more likely be made in a cafetiere than a drip coffee maker. Fortunately, it tastes the same.

• Potluck dinners do occur, but they are not called potluck. I have heard them called "bottle and plate" parties, and there are sure to be more variations on that theme. Similarly, a "brown bag" lunch exists but is usually called simply a "packed lunch," and no one uses the term "family style" to describe the way a meal is served.

• If you're invited to a barbecue, be prepared to be disappointed. For obvious reasons (the weather), BBQs aren't as common as they are in the States, therefore people aren't as proficient. The fare is usually limited to charred sausages, chicken, and hamburgers. If you take fancier food along to be grilled, I would advise taking care of it yourself. "Cookout" is not a recognized term in the UK.

PUBS
Although not always thought of as a place to dine, it's time to turn our attention to the good old pub. In the UK, the pub is the center of local activity and communication. You'll find one just about anywhere you go—indeed, some of them seem so remote, you'll wonder where the customers (called "regulars") come from. Invariably, when you arrange to meet someone socially, it'll be in a pub (although Starbucks and the like are becoming more common).
These days, more and more pubs are serving food. Some have a restaurant section and you won't be able to order food to eat at the bar. Others serve food in all areas of the bar, and the rising complaint is that it's getting difficult just to go for a drink these days. Despite the woeful reputation of British cuisine in general, pub food is often surprisingly good. Although I generalize here, pub food is usually hot, hearty, and good value, if not the healthiest of victuals. The latest phenomenon in the UK gastronomic world is the evolution of the gastropub. These pubs originated in London about twenty years ago, when pub owners were desperately trying to think of ways to pull in money. There are still many more gastropubs in London than anywhere else, but there are plenty dotted all over the country and Web sites galore to help you find them. Many of these gastropubs are very old or picturesque pubs with great chefs on board. Definitely worth scouting one out.

• First things first—if you're only there for a drink, always go to the bar when trying to order. Bars in the UK don't have wandering waitresses, although some will let you run up a tab, or "put it on the bill." A warning here: While the bar may be the only place where the Brits don't seem to be "queuing," customers will definitely know who got there first, second, and so on. If you try to jump this invisible queue, the barman will probably ignore you and serve the person who is really next. To ensure getting served, simply rest your elbow on the bar (if you can get near it) and hold out your empty glass or money. This must be done very casually, though. The barman (or woman) will let you know when you are about to be served by looking at you as he's serving the current customer. You should then indicate that you've seen this with a slight nod of the head, a smile, or any other subtle gesture. Pushing and shoving is allowed, if it's a really busy bar. It also helps to be about six inches taller than the people in front of you. While drinking in a bar (or pub) you are not expected to leave a tip on the bar; indeed, you will receive some very strange looks if you do. Sometimes patrons offer to buy the bar staff a drink ("And one for yourself") but this is not expected. If you do, the bar staffer (who may not be permitted to drink while on duty) will thank you, tell you what they like, and charge you accordingly. As of November 2 4 , 2005, pubs, bars, clubs, and shops may apply for a license to serve alcohol twenty-four hours per day. If you plan to frequent pubs, you might want to acquaint yourself with the stuff on offer. Asking for a beer is more likely to result in a dark brown, slightly warm liquid also known as "bitter." Lighter, American-style beers are known as "lager," and are often much stronger than you're used to, so be warned. You'll also be expected to state your quantity when ordering beer, e.g., half a pint or a pint. Despite the rumored advances in women's lib, most women over thirtyfive don't drink pints!

• Most pub staff won't know how to serve elaborate cocktails (unless you include gin and tonic or vodka and orange), although if you can give them ingredients and quantities, they'll usually be more than happy to give yours a try. Wine bar staff are more likely to have a repertoire of cocktails up their sleeves.

• Warning: Cider is never non-alcoholic. It refers to an exceedingly potent apple derivative, and if from the West Country ("Scrumpy"), it is even more lethal.

• Fifteen minutes before closing time, the bar manager will shout something like "Last orders, please," which means that if you want another drink, you'd better be quick. After fifteen minutes he or she will shout, "Time, please," or, "Time, ladies and gentlemen, please," to let you know that you must finish your drinks and leave. By law, pubs are supposed to be empty fifteen minutes after this, so many bar managers will appear very aggressive in trying to get you to leave. In central London, where the pubs tend to be packed to the gills, there are a handful that set off their fire alarms—the noise is so loud that you'll even leave a full pint to get away from it! The bouncers at many pubs not only vet who comes in but make sure everyone leaves when they're supposed to.

• Now that pubs can serve alcohol all night, the time-honored and illicit practize of the "lock-in" is redundant. The owner or manager used to invite patrons to stay after closing hours, and pretend not to sell drinks but to offer them as to a friend. There are various Web sites and blogs bemoaning the demise of the lock-in.

BRITISH WORDS THAT MIGHT REQUIRE
TRANSLATION

Afters n—dessert
Ball n—a very formal (black tie) affair
BBQ'd *—grilled
Bevvy n—alcoholic drink (beverage)
Boozer n—the pub; can also describe someone who drinks a lot
Chippy n—fish and chip shop
Claret n—red Bordeaux wine
Cutlery n—silverware
Fillet n—same meaning, but Brits pronounce the "t"
Grilled a—broiled (not BBQ'd)
Hock n—German white wine
Main course n—entree
"My shout" n—"My round"
Off license (offie) n—liquor store
PBAB (Please bring a bottle)—BYOB
Packed lunch n—brown bag or sack lunch
Plonk n—cheap wine
Pudding n—dessert course or a heavy pudding
RSVP (Repondez, s'il vous plait)—Please reply
Scrumpy n—wickedly strong West Country cider
Serviette n—napkin (napkin is also used)
Speciality (note extra syllable) n—specialty
Starter n appetizer
Sweet (course) n—dessert course
Take-away n—"to go"
Tomato sauce n—ketchup

AMERICAN WORDS THAT THE BRITS
DON'T SHARE

Appetizer—starter
Broiled—grilled
Brown bag—packed lunch
Busboy and bussing—totally meaningless in the UK
Catsup—ketchup
Cookout—BBQ
Doggy bag—doesn't exist
Entree—main course
Grilled—BBQ'd
Half and half—cream
Ketchup—tomato sauce
Liquor store—off license
Potluck—bottle + plate party
Tailgate—nobody does this
"To go"—take-away
Silverware—cutlery
Wet bar—bar
86 it—not used